Anti-Tsunami

Homeostasis is hard, even as a hedonist. I have to fight my capitalist impulses that drive me to want more — a car (even though I hate driving), Zegna suits (even though I can’t decipher between them and Hugo boss), and first-class airline tickets all tantalize me fo’shizzle. Lately I have been thinking about if and when I should get my own place. I don’t believe that it’s a matter of maturity, but I think I’m at a place in life where it would be nice to have my intimate life private from others’; to clean and cook at my own pace; to regulate noise and guests; to have my moods be independent of others’. I am extremely satisfied in my current configuration, but also feel intangibly antsy. What scares me is not loneliness, but rather that I doubt that I’ll go back to having roommates — though I am the only person creating that faux-developmental contingency.  I think anti-life-formula-ism can sometimes hurt a guy like me. Maybe in 6 months? Maybe depends on the results of the bar, even though the results don’t really bear. Maybe I just can’t be on auto-pilot? Maybe I should fight that impulse?

Had another stellar week since I last left you. I realized that I truly organize my week around food.

On Thursday, had an advisory board meeting and ate yummy Indonesian food. We talked about the theatre company, marketing, etc. I think we made some great progress. I asked the waitress for free food and lo and behold I got a fish cake, which I very much enjoyed.

On Friday, we went to Golden Era. I love their spicy gourmet "chicken." I love meat in quotes. The service was good for once, which is a change. The waitresses had braces. I think braces make you nicer. That night we walked around, dodging a few gangs, grabbed some taro tea (which I realized tastes like cake batter: a theme for the week) and then went to Cortez, where the service sucked. Then, we went to Lucky Penny. The eating never ends I tell you.

On Saturday, I threw my first big event, for the Black Law Students Association and I met some great alums. I don’t need to be fake, because I genuinely like these people, and most are lawyers no less. Of note, I met a cute doctor — an internist who was sweet as pie. A lot of people showed and the event had originally been planned for outside. So, I had to make a speech behind a wet bar. Fun stuff.  That night I slept over Andrea’s who met a very crazy man; when I met her her filter was conservative. Now, she barely has one. She took me to this totally hipster bar, where there was some sort of retro marching band playing.  I was still wearing my suit and felt sort of out of place. I felt very "Marina."

Sunday I woke up and bought some new pants at Buffalo Exchange. I had a great brunch at Miss Millies. There was proscuitto wrapped pears, stuffed with gorgonzola and figs that was so appetizing! That day I met up with my newest guest Jamie, who was visiting Stanford Med. I forgot how much I liked the guy. I feel some sort of familiarity with him, though I don’t know him well.  We galavanted around the city. I did some errands, including a haircut and giving away old clothes to Out of the Closet.

That night I organized a great little dinner party at Lahore, though Gudoo didn’t give me free dessert. Understand something: I have been to Lahore 100+ times and have EVERY time been offered dessert, but not this time. Gudoo can’t do this to me. He is my Ted Danson and I am his Norm!

Monday, work as usual. Every morning now I go to this oatmeal bar where I get oatmeal and bran. I can barely live without it. I have been slacking on the kombucha. After, we had a guys night out. 5 of us went to the Giants game. We had seats right behind home plate. The attendant told me I had to wait to be seated for the batter. I seriously thought I was waiting for a big vat of cake or cookie batter to come through. We had a blast although the home team lost. I had a churro. I have mainly guy friends now. I think as we get older and women get in relationships their boyfriends don’t want you hanging out with them. It’s not as sad as I thought it would be, but a major shift for me.

Our friend John is one of my new favorite people. He has multiple BMW’s (one that is orange) that he drives around the city at warp speed — and he gets trajectory on the hills, complete with sparks. He carries a gun and has no uvula (as a result of $85K of elective surgery for snoring, for a boyfriend who dumped him). He can get into ANY club or bar with the snap of his hand, and I am not exaggerating. I love people with stories.

Tonight I took advantage of the Home Prix Fix menu. The best macaroni ever. I had some great company. Afterwards, we went to Hotel Biron for wine. I had some South African merlot. I am trying to avoid pinor noir after talking to a wine bar owner about the fact that after Sideways people have been over-ordering Santa Barbara pinot noir.

Anu sent me a bunch of pictures. It’s amazing how different I look in every picture. I think my range of attractiveness varies significantly and quickly and totally depends on the vantage point. Sometimes I can’t believe I am the same person in one picture as I am in the next. I don’t really know what I look like. Sometimes I am absolutely repulsed by myself, and other times I can deal with the way I look, and this can all happen in the course of one day, or a couple hours.

I’ve been thinking about the nature of a public blog. It’s hard to
process through this medium. I am really doing this for myself, but I
realize it may affect others, and that makes it an imperfect mode of
self-expression that can be easily misconstrued. (is there really a perfect one? a Ouija board perhaps?) Please let me know if
I’ve offended you in some way. I try to leave names out where they
aren’t necessary or where they could be embarassing or offensive.

I now give waitstaff a major anti-ketchup bonus if they don’t like ketchup. This has happended twice most recently.

Some of the usual suspects are away in Chicago and/or tied up in finals.

I am still trying to buy a tennis racket.

I am highly considering joining a yuppie kickball league: worldkickball.com.

Note: I am going to try to make this a Weekly Update.

It’s one visitor after the next I tell you. I know I’m supposed to be bored with it, but I love it. I am booked for months to come. Literally. And, I’m trying new venues instead of repeating the old. That is, aside from Lahore (who I got a big catering gig for). The visitor thing detracts my time with locals and on the phone, but it’s worth it.  There is no way I’d be able to sustain a healthy relationship given the state of my life, but I guess that’s the beauty of being single. Maybe I don’t watch the digital cable I pay so much for, but I am getting my rent money’s worth with regard to use of the guest room.

Anu’s trip was hella fun. During the course of the trip her style evolved. When she arrived she looked like a worn out 6th grade gifted-and-talented teacher from Missouri. By the time she left, she was sophisticated and hot, donning dangly earrings, pumas, and a white blazer. It was great to watch the transformation. During her stay, we tried to explore some poshier sites in the Marina and Fillmore (i.e. the Matrix) — not my usual haunts, but the experimenting was fun, though Anu craved more eye candy. We did find quite a good Yemenese restaurant called Saha, which I enjoyed. We also had a fun leisurely lunch at Market Bar in Ferry Plaza, where my face got quite sunburned, and a delicious breakfast at Dotties, which required some standing in line, much to Laith’s dismay.

Anu and Adeel had a weird vibe — actually, a visceral reaction to one another. He was actually quite pleasant to her. I thought she would dig his entrepreneurship, but was wrong (yes, it happens). At one point, we were sitting in this bar — Bambuddah Lounge — a sorry imitation of the Delano located in a Tenderloin motel with a bunch of bourgeouis hootchie mamas that charged me $12 for a grey goose martini — and things got really tense. We started talking about each others’ facades, in an alcohol-induced state the conversation spiraled. It was scary. We defaulted to Julie’s, which was better, and included thumb wrestling. Laith ended the 4 am night by making breakfast burritos with chicken apple sausage.

The next night was Lila, which was fun, as always. We then went back to Julies and had the whole place to ourselves, which is bad for Julies and good for us. We were all drinking like Irishmen, and dancing to 80’s music on the bar, and it was just good clean fun.  As to dancing on the bar, I don’t like heights really. It’s not like my ketchup thing, but it’s something I like to avoid. During this event, I found out my friend had an erotic dream with me in it, which is always flattering to hear. Anyway, the same night Jill opined, "aren’t our lives just awesome?" Yes.

Anu left on Sunday morning, (no Glide for her) and I decided to spend the day solo on Sunday. I made a return at Patagonia - where they are excellent at returns. I then strolled over to In-N-Out Burger and had an Animal Style. I stretched out on the less populated lawn in front of the Bay and read a new book. It was gorgeous and centering. I even fell asleep (and hope I didn’t snore). I walked around the city, finding new nooks and crannies I hadn’t before seen or appreciated - art shows, playgrounds, racquet ball courts, and hidden coffee shops with hottie baristas. I like how nobody else can share that perception with me; it’s between me and myself. I want a tennis racket. I also got fitted for a tux b/c I am going to be an usher at Tom’s wedding in Utah.

Afterwards, I met up with Andrea and Cindee and we went bra shopping and to the Cheesecake Factory. We talked about clit piercings from a person with firsthand knowledge. At Cheesecake, Cindee paid, which was generous and unexpected. I feel like so few people are generous with their money. I try to be, but I feel like I sometimes get the shaft. It’s an experiment to me to pay sometimes, though I think I’m learning that someone cheapness isn’t not necessarily a proxy for being a good friend, like an SAT is not a true test of aptitude. That same night, I purchased a $30 t-shirt — something I have never done before.

Pizarro — formerly known as Wendell — arrived. He is a nonjudgmental burst of positive and youthful energy, and to top it all off, he’s going to be a plastic surgeon. I wish I could expedite the time so he could do my lipo. (My torso needs work.) We’ve been catching up so much.  I introduced him to bubble tea, and expanded his exposure to friendster.

Tonight I volunteered through Macalester at the SF Food Bank. We were
charged with stuffing bags with turkey. I did not expect to stuff turkeys into bags with a bunch of Mac folk. I felt like I was on Laverne and Shirley. "Shlameil!" A Mac grad from ‘68 literally asked me if I was a comedian. It’s funny because I don’t tell jokes. It was weird to introduce myself in my new career, i.e. not a lawyer. I felt like I had to explain more than I had to. Afterwards, we went to KFC (to have a laptop meal for an appetizer) and then
Japantown for dinner. Yum-and double-yum.

Tonight I saw, for the first time, Bernal Heights — the back part — and the narrow, hilly, tree-lined streets with little independant restaurants scattered about is truly reminiscent of Europe, or Quebec City. Amazing. I saw BH when I was dropping off a neo-Pagan butch Mac grad who does energy work, and who is absolutely perfect for Andrea. I am becoming a sucker for this stuff.

Adeel wants me to go in on a TIC in South Beach with him. I think I want to live alone in the next year. I don’t know if I’m ready — sort of/sort of not. I’m having fun. Maybe I will buy something of my own? It’s weird how that is a real possibility.

Basically I’m back in that plastic state of homeostasis, where I don’t expect my life to take any seismic shifts (though I am obsessing about my first earthquake — I have fantasy dreams about it often), but trying to make the most of it all. Anu said that I wasn’t having as many deep conversations with her on this trip. I’m not offended, I’m in experiential mode. I can be critical when things are a little shittier. Allow me to revel.

I’ve been interacting a lot with this pro-virginity activist in Union Square. He yells out "no sloppy seconds" and advocates "fresh, clean sex" and "no jerking off." He wears a top-hat and always has a little smurk on his face. Fun stuff.

And, listen to Alexi Murdoch. Inspiring music. The next big thing. (Andrea pointed out, and I am admit that I am self-important; I get excited when I "discover" something, i.e. a new, relatively unknown restaurant, book, or musician). I used to be that way about cities. I thought I was so cool for "discovering" Hartford and St. Paul. I’m grateful to be in a place that’s already been discovered.

So, Jessica and Doug came with Parker and Emma in tow. Parker is a cutie with big puffy cheeks and not 100% Anglo looking — his British grandmother’s nightmare. I love him. They set aside three days to hang out with me. I took them to the Mission (to Zeitgeist, which they hated). Note: BART is difficult with two munchkins and related accoutrements. I experienced the magic of holding a (relative) newborn, though I don’t want one for a while, if ever.

During the fam’s visit, I sampled a mix of my favorite ethnic restaurants and fancy tapas places. I showed them my new hedonist book. They consider themselves hedonists, which gave me a new respect for them. I made them say "nispy" 10 times fast. (Try it.) They loved it. I totally get them now, like I get my mom. This is a new trend for me — honoring and just having fun with my family. Case in point, I was on the phone with my dad yesterday, and I was just cracking him up joking about Michael Jackson and stuff. Though my dad’s health is slowly deteriorating and he has a pretty sad life, bringing him laughter and joy is one of my favorite past-times.

Doug and I actually got along quite well, which is a first. He was my straight eye for the heteroflexible guy consultant. We went to Macy’s Mens and I spent $1500 on a new wardrobe for work. I bought nothing on sale — like $200 shoes and shit. Speaking of which, when I’m at my job I can’t believe that I’m in the position I’m in; that I’m in a job where I’m expected to wear a suit. It’s nuts.

Anyway, the weekend was great. San Franciscans must go to Cortez on Geary. Their tapas (and complimentary popcorn) are off the hook. Also, another new restaurant I tried was Marrakesh on O’Farrell. It was a great service experience b/c the waiter was both the host, bartender, waiter, and DJ. There was a great bellydancer, and Emma danced and jumped and I loved it.

On Friday, we had a very competitive game of Pictionary. It was almost disturbing. On Saturday, we had a birthday bash for Sasha. We went all out in the apartment for this party. Alex wrote a script for it. I played the head judge, and I got to extol this great monologue against Carmina Burana. Drama at its best. We actually had a bellydancer at this event too. I had to make small talk with her and she assured me that she wasn’t a prostitute. I convinced a hot girl at the party that this was a theme house and that my roommates and I shared a room with bunk beds. When I broke the truth to her, she said the theme was hot and she would have slept with me had it been true, though she was just messing with me right back. At the party, Michael and I decided to have a spinning contest where we spun around competitively. We both lasted about 10 minutes, which is far longer than I anticipated. He so won. I felt like I was going bonkers.

So, I think I’m in love with my job. I love the lunches with the alums. I love the politics/personalities. I just love lunchtime in general and the people walking downtown — the energy. Sometimes I get out of work at 9 PM, and I don’t mind it. Now I understand how people can be workaholics. The schedule is really weird. I can take like a 3 hour lunch. I need to join Equinox, the fanciest of gyms.

I think my job likes me too. I was CCed this e-mail from a major player at the university, which was sent to the President and Deans:

"Just wanted to let you know that I think Andrew is a great addition to
the GGU team - he is doing a wonderful job of learning what we do here,
meeting our alumni and jumping right in. I’ve seen many new staff in
their first few weeks at GGU, and Andrew is among the most promising.
The law alumni will truly benefit from his work with us, as will GGU’s
fund-raising programs, employer/career services outreach work and
student recruiting efforts.

Great work in the selection process - thanks!"

Nice, eh? I’m psyched.

I have Westlaw and Lexis passwords again. I looked my paper up on Lexis. It was cool to see my mom’s name up there.

As for my new life, I enrolled in a Masters program in Applied Psychology at GGU, where I take classes like "Emotional Intelligence." I am psyched. Maybe I really will be a life coach or a psychologist for weary lawyers one day.

Also, Anu just stepped off the plane to visit again! We’re going to do the fancy thing, like Ferry Plaza lunches, Anu (the bar), and Sonoma. AND, Wendell Pizarro Patton, "Dr. Dennis Rodman" is in town. If you know him, you know this is going to be fun. Basically, the coming weeks look mighty promising.

I still love the fucking Pottery Barn CD. Buy it.

So, I am in my new position and I am loving it. What a change of pace! I don’t dread every minute of work and count down every second. I have been getting out late, but I don’t mind. I feel like I have so much to give. People respect me.  I am really energized. Work isn’t real "work" anymore, but a fully funded avocation. I have been received quite royally. So far, I have had 2 breakfasts, a lunch, a cookie and coffee break, and an all-law school faculty/staff reception where an entire fancy bar was reserved in my honor. The last one is the weirdest. They rented out a bar — Zebulon — for little old me. I honestly didn’t think I was worth a happy hour, at least not yet.

In my new job I am scrutinized closely. They are looking at the way I dress and eat. The words I choose, and my responses to certain questions. It is a very odd feeling. This scrutiny turns me into Public Relations Andrew, my totally high energy and professional incarnation. It sucks a lot of my energy for me to be so "on" all day. But, I don’t mind it. A lot of people are weirded out by my age. When I told someone I graduated in 1997 - they assumed I meant law school. Someone called me "Doogie Howser, Alumni Relations Director."

So, some updates.

Friday, we played board games and ate fondue. We had many April Fools jokes going on simultaneously, including bandaids, botox, and threesomes. It was hilarious. Claudia also made those unbelievable panini "grilled cheeses" for us. They were to die for. Mine had free range chicken, havarti, avocado, mayo, and dijon mustard on a baguette. Claudia is a jewel.

Saturday, I went to Pacifica and Half Moon Bay again with a new group. I basically shadowed everything I did the day before, except I subscribed to the Utne Reader, bought the Hedonist Handbook, and sampled some more delish pies. I still didn’t buy the Indonesian puppets. I also learned about je mais vous — or the opposite of de ja vous — andmeans "never seen."   Andrea suspects that this cute, assumedly lesbian, waitress thought she and I were together. Saturday night I received an e-mail from a friend who started what he calls the "worlds colliding" campaign where he introduces two people he knows who live in the same city. I thought it was ingenious — like a customized friendster.

Sunday, I went to Glide. The mass topic was sort of brilliant. Pastor Fitch described arrogance as believing you can help somebody and that they cannot help you. Afterwards, I spent 7 hours at Lahore with a great and interesting new friend. Then, we rehearsed for the play on Saturday night.

Monday, I went to work. My benefits are the bomb-diggity. We’re talking 403(b) here with a high matching percentage, vision, dental, life insurance. I have a very detailed and comprehensive 2-week orientation. I have already completed a half-dozen trainings, have a bajillion keys, and read tons of publications. and My job duties have me as the go-to person to counsel currently enrolled law students. I also learned about this neat little lunch corridor called Stephenson St. The highlight of Monday was after a matzoh ball soup and chocolate egg cream dinner, when Joanna and I huffing and puffingly walked to Fisherman’s Wharf up and down big hills in the cool night breeze.

Tuesday, on a total whim, we went to the Four Seasons lounge, and kept on inviting people, and after a few glasses of wine, and some gourmet cheese — with that song "Believe it or not, we’re walking on air" playing on the piano in the background — I hastily spent $92. Somehow I don’t care that much. I would do it again. Later, I went to North Beach and munched and pontificated about Italian cookies. I love pignoli nut cookies.

Today, I went to buy art supplies for my friends’ jewelry class. I picked up the new word "captain"  which sort of replaces "cookie." I will try to integrate. Tonight was that reception I told you about before. After it, I spoke to an old friend, and hung out with Alex and Adeel. We had a cozy little Indian dinner, listened to opea, and I sang classicly for them. I haven’t sang in long, long time.

Sundry notes:
Jessica, Emma, Doug, and Parker are in town.
I am doing my Crest White Strips.
I have to iron my clothes in the morning.
I got my fancy law school diploma frame.
My Pottery Barn and Duncan Sheik CD’s are keeping me so musically happy.

Oh yeah, and a friend of mine suprised me with the nicest, most unexpected gesture of kindness  today. 0ut of nowhere and in my honor, she donated money to Golden Gate University. How thoughtful!

Liz and I followed through on our day trip and opted for Pacifica. I learned all about this psuedo-psychological disorder called "Highly Sensitive Person" disorder. There are about 30 risk factors for this disorder including low pain thresshold, and high sensitivity to light and smell. I know a few people who are definitely contenders for this. Check your stocking for the book come X-Mas.

On our way to Pacifica, we were delayed by the people in front of us, an Asian female driver with a white boyfriend, who didn’t have money to pay the $3 toll to cross the Bay Bridge. The toll booth operator, an angry Asian guy, was pissed. He yelled out multiple times "why you have a white boyfriend if he can’t pay toll?" Hopefully, the passenger wasn’t a highly sensitive person. Well, what other purposes do white boyfriends really serve?

Anyway, Pacifica is purportedly the foggiest part of the Bay, though today this seemed like an outright lie. I can’t believe this unspoiled beauty is minutes from San Francisco.  We ate lunch at this Nick’s right on the ocean, where they had eggplant fries. I felt guilty for eating this artery-clogging food, but have since forgiven myself. Liz and I were the only non-geriatric duo there. Liz tried to adapt by ordering a pinot grigio.

After lunch, we climbed the rocks and scrutinized the tide pools, which were inhabited by little starfish, mussels, and crabs. It was so Capetown. We climbed what I consider to be a steep mountain. It was a little scary, especially because as you approach the mountain you see a sign of a brooding SFSU student who was recently declared missing and was surmised to have slipped off the mountain into the depths of the Pacific. I was scared, but it was too beautiful not to risk.

The town of Pacifica had little kitschy shops and I almost bought this Indonesian puppet. But then I realized that I would never use an Indonesian puppet.

Afterwards, we drove down the coast to Half Moon Bay. So beautiful. We toured more kooky little shops, and consumed this delectible ollaliberry pie and an iced Americano (my favorite); I fantasized about being on $40 a Day. There was this gentrified feed store where they had little ducks and turkeys for sale as pets. I hugged a duck and I have a picture to prove it.  I almost bought one to play an April Fools joke on my roommates, which I planned to release into the wild, a la Babe, but I was scared the ducks would ruin their stuff. I now can’t get the cuteness of these creatures out of my head, and want one.

Unrelatedly, I have seen a lot of transvestites lately.

It was a highly relaxing day.