Anti-Tsunami

Why We Sleep?

Lately I have been thinking about why God, or whatever you want to call it, makes us sleep.
I think it’s because tiredness stops the diabolical from following through with their evil plans. It temporarily immobilizes us, and makes us all vulnerable, sort of like a mini-death.

My friend told me that she thinks it’s a time where our mind can reflect and reorganize the unconscious.

Or maybe it’s a another life altogether?

Another friend told me there are 6 people in the world who require no sleep. Freaky. Would I want that extra time? Maybe it would be lonely, like waking up a hundred years after I die every night.

Engagement

Congratulations to Jill and Chris who are now engaged! I am proud to
have been an integral part of their engagement, and forever etched into
the institutional history of their married life. Chris called me early
in the week to orchestrate a plan wherefore I attracted Jill to come to
a fancy restaurant — the Top of the Mark — under the guise that my
sister was in town and wanting to take them out to dinner. I picked her
up a little too early and had to delay her before the big question. She
appeared quite skeptical and asked me if it was all a big plan for the
engagement. Anyway, turns out I was a good actor and that she didn’t
know what was coming. I felt like I was going to die the whole time. I
went out with Andrea afterwards and felt like I was hiding a secret
from her that I was going to pop the question or something.

Tapas and Charlie

Last weekend I found a new delicious tapas bar, which I revisited this Friday. It’s called Zarzuela, and it’s absolutely wonderful. I love getting loopy on Sangria and eating goat cheese and crusty bread and croquetas. Last weekend I went with Joanna and Dana and we saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which I found utterly disappointing. Johnny Depp seemed like a pedophile, and the characters — especially Charlie Bucket — were totally flat. This Friday, Andrea and I did Zarzuela, and ran across the street to get fudgy ice cream which we totally devoured. I woke up with chocolate stains all over my face, which was a fun way to wake up. I think we’re going to go on Thursday to celebrate Rakhee’s finishing the bar.

Bumping

I bumped into literally 5 discrete people from different areas of my life today. This city is getting smaller and smaller. I can’t believe I’ve been here for so long, though it totally feels comfortable and homey to me, almost like I’ve never lived anywhere else. I am so happy to live here. It’s perfect.

Lila

Saw Lila last night.  This is the first time I didn’t sell tickets and paid admission. I was SO skeptical about them getting a space, but the space looks great and without marketing it was a huge success — standing room only — complete with tourists and new faces. It is nice to see the place so hot. Props to Lila! www.lilatheatre.org.

Moving

Rakhee just moved to SF to take the bar exam! I am so excited she is here. I helped her roommate move into their new lovely and spacious apartment, complete with a blackberry bush in the backyard. They seem like a wonderful, spunky, energetic trio. I had so much fun during the hour it took to sign the lease. Andrea and I did a variety of yoga moves. She was very impressed with the form of my back bend. Also, we acted in front of the mirror.

Scavengers

Did a scavenger hunt today, or at least a beta version of same, that a friend of a friend concocted. I was on a team with a bunch of google employees and the puzzles were hella hard. For one clue, I ran into a Chinese restaurant that I hadn’t been to since I worked at Stanford. I always wondered where that restaurant was. After the hunt, they had a BBQ with great burgers. One simple pleasure of mine is watching people choose Barbeque sauce over ketchup at a BBQ. I met a very interesting dude and we totally shot the shit for hours. Always nice to meet cool, brilliant, funky people like him, which is what makes the Bay Area so distinct. While he works for the tech empire, his avocation is that he wants to be a secret agent. In furtherance of this goal, he partakes in five foundational activities, including: Navy Seals training, learning German, aikido, running, and shooting. He would do it for a job, but is morally opposed to killing people. I love it!

Stolen Milkshake

So, in college, Brianne, Shane, and I would go to this cake restaurant, Cafe Latte and steal half-eaten cakes, cut off the ends and pour the milk that is out for people’s coffee, eat it and take it home to our roommates. (We MUST do this at reunion next year guys!) Cost effective. Yesterday, after going to this little bar with the best martinis, in the total ghee-toe (Anu, but not my friend), we went to Mels, and my friend who is nuts in the best way possible confiscated a milkshake and egg cream from the table next door.  The manager was pissed and ordered that we pay or that the waiter take away the milkshakes, which is sort of a dumb policy. This inspired rousing child-like laughter.

Mission Statement

It’s crazy how many people read this thing. A lot of people get angry about blogs for some reason, and ask me why I do this and if I do this because people read it.  Some people say I need to do it more, or write shorter entries. I write when I feel I need to purge, and I write until I have nothing more to say. My answer is that I probably wouldn’t memorialize my thoughts and experiences if there wasn’t this forum. I am not doing it for a particular reader, but I derive a lot pleasure from other people sharing in my reflections. And, I like to keep in touch with people — so that they see what I’m up to if they care.

Concerts

Every singer I have ever loved is coming to town in a matter of one month: India Aire, Duncan Sheik, David Gray, Tori Amos, Rufus Wainwright, Ben Folds 5, Maroon 5. Ridiculous. I also won a silent auction: 4 tickets to Theatreworks valued at $200. My first auction I ever won something at.

Parking Lot
- I dropped my poor little ipod and the LCD cracked, rendering the little guy useless. Remind yourself never to lend me an electronic device. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t lend them to me either.
- Joanna has her 1st trial tomorrow. GOOD LUCK!
- My kombucha baby is thriving and maturing. He’s a good little detoxifier.
- Being older is awesomer than I thought it would be.
- Katie Wiik is visiting this week!
- I have become really obsessed with the Malian CD my roommate lent me, especially this song Idrissa Soumaoro.
- I
found a stellar website: yelp.com, which allows one to rate everything
in their city. I rated 120+ restaurants in 2 days. It is a new
obsession.
- Where is the time going?

Stroll

I absolutely love walking to work.

I usually leave the house with my hands full with
dry-cleaning, packages to send out, etc.
The first minute, or so, I spend rifling through my manbag, shaking it for
change, contemplating whether sunglasses are necessary, and peering at my Ipod
to consider my soundtrack for the walk, which largely depends on the weather.
Today I listened to Nick Drake and a collection of songs from Garden State.

Then, I consider what street I will head Eastward on. Today I chose Bush. On my walk, I pass by stately old buildings, along tree-lined streets. As I approach the financial district, I can sense the hustle and bustle and it warms me up for a busy day.

At this point I usually curse myself for forgetting to apply
sunblock to my face, especially now that my face resembles a mosaic.

Midway through, my shoes are always untied, my clothes more disheveled, and I check my
zipper. Not sure what my problem is with these things: fine motor skills, sales
shopping, awkward dimensions, or fate.

I always pass by interesting people. Today, I passed by a homeless guy in a wheelchair with an expansive belly and
no legs who told me to have a nice day, in a really genuine fashion. I also passed by a businessman with blonde frosted hair, squatting
in front of a big building, puffing a cigar, and perusing a piece of gay porn.

Other characters: old men smoking, people
carting goods from building to building, older East Asian female panhandlers,
people promoting Verizon picture phones, environmental canvassers who probably
spend their milk money on cannabis, skateboarders who give me a complex about my Armani sunglasses, and hipsters covertly addicted to Starbucks
lattes.

I get to work. The sun is blaring through my office window. I check my e-mail and voicemail and calendar and eat an almond butter and jelly sandwich. It’s like my own little screenplay that only I find fascinating.

Lately, actually, I feel that the things I find interesting are really simple pleasures — things that can’t really be shared. I feel like I’m getting to know myself more, which I have never really taken the time to do. I also feel a tad less interesting than I had before. Maybe it’s a complex I developed at the last job I was at, where I was valued more for my labor than for my personality, or maybe it’s because I am no longer "the off-the-wall radical of Harford," but rather, just like everybody else in San Francisco. It’s not necessarily bad.

Also, something I have been thinking about is how your college years and 20’s are kind of like a second childhood. I’ve spoken before about how weddings are the new bar mitzvah, but as I speak to alumni every day, when people in their later years reflect on their lives, they speak about these years a lot — about forming their careers and families, and moving, and finding themselves. They rarely talk about their childhoods, which is what people in my stage of life refer back to more often.

Dentist

My mouth is numb right now from novacaine. I kind of hate it. There was this really cool dental hygentist today. She was talking about the band Tool while she was sucking out my saliva. She doesn’t use anesthetics because she hates needles. Last week, my numbness lasted for 6 hours, so I asked for a lower dosage. It ended up not being enough and I had to get 2 additional insertions. I keep on biting my tounge.

While I was waiting for the numbness to kick in for an hour or so, I read three interesting magazines: Gourmet (which had this really interesting recipe for Pomegranate Manhattans, and peas with bacon and dill), as well as the Fortune 500 company list, and Details. I also got to thinking about what would happen if an earthquake hit while I was in the middle of getting a filling, or what about during brain surgery. Is it over for you?

Sunburn

Also, last weekend I went to a Giants game. It was my fifth and the first that they won.  It was hot as hell out there, and though the park provided free sunblock, I burned the Hell out of my face. I haven’t peeled in years, but I look like Freddy Krueger. It’s terrible, and taking a while to heal, though at least it isn’t painful anymore.

Arts Rennaisance

I am still enjoying an Arts Rennaisance. Perhaps it’s because I have been so bereft of it in the past few years and have more time now. I joined Netflix and I have ordered an exciting queue of movies I haven’t yet seen, including American Beauty, Shrek, Frida, Chicago, and Kinsey, to name a few. The only movie that I rented in the last round that I really liked was Garden State. Last weekend, I saw an indie movie called "Saving Face" that was good — kind of like a My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but about a Chinese-American lesbian. Twas light-hearted. This weekend I am seeing a play at ACT about beastiality called "The Goat." On my way back from the dentist, I passed a bus advertising a Tibet exhibit at the Asian Art museum. I also will buy tickets to David Gray and Duncan Sheik (and hopefully India Aire), who will be in concert here in August and September.

Voice Update

ACT is totally amazing. I think I am going to take 2 classes in the Fall: Scene Study and Singin. My teacher has connections up the wazoo and thinks I can do National Tours and such things. If the opportunity arises, I’ll go for it. Next, I am perform, "If I Ever Would Leave You" from Camelot, and "Johanna" from Sweeney Todd.

Tiburon

Monday we had a work retreat in Tiburon, which is a posh old money community in Marin county. The house where it was held is one that my colleague is housesitting for. It has a gorgeous pool, deck, beach — you name it. It made me reconsider the idea of doing housesitting like this, which I was offered recently. It was so relaxing. The whole thing was catered with California-type goodies, like smoked salmon, roasted artichokes and asparagus, fresh hummus and salads with light dressings and nuts and cheese crumbles. I love that lifestyle.

Parking Lot

- I love looking at wedding photos.

- Haven’t had a visitor now for 2 weeks. The break is nice.

- My baby kombucha is growing up.

- I like really spicy thin salsa.

- I have been sleeping really well ever since I reconfigured my room. There’s good chi in here or something.

Relationships
I strongly believe we can have intense meaning, love and abundance in our lives without a romantic partner. For the past two weeks, I engaged in a string of arguments with a friend who has found love. We both believe that at this age most people are in search of a partner. Where we disagree pertains to what drives this desire; she thinks it’s something instrinsic, and I think it’s something socialized. Many people that I know, or have known, in relationships seem to be driven by pressure and fear. Pressure from family, friends, and society.  Fear of loneliness, of not fitting in, of financial insecurity, and fear of not having a family of their own (which has little to do with romantic love). I think if you took away those factors, which are, albeit, major, more people would choose to be alone. Hearing my friend’s perspective bothers me mainly because it assumes a notion of natural law. Natural law melds into pressure to conform here, and leads me and others who do not share that perspective to at least cogitate, is there something wrong with me because I do not fit the norm? With all this said, I am happy for people who believe otherwise, and have found authentic love.

Depression
Recognizing that it comes in many forms, I believe for the most part depression is a byproduct of privilege. This is not to say that it is not
real or tragic. But, I believe it is at the root of capitalism, in
seeing what others have, and always wanting more. It is also part and parcel of being highly educated; in the realization that we are so small, so little, and so fleeting. I also thinks it’s partially a choice of perspective.

Lies
Everybody always assumes I’m a Democrat. Whenever I am with someone I don’t know very well, and they make this assumption I pretend that I’m Republican. They always ask why. Most recently, I responded that it was the "women thing." I explained that I believed women belonged in the house, and were better suited to domestic labor. I further expounded to my opponent that he look at the composition of the Congress and asked, "why is it that 90+% of our congresspeople are men?" I argued with a rather large Democrat, and this time almost got decked.

Jeep Butt
I learned about this really scary disease that guys 18-30 get called "Jeep Butt." Apparently, 3% of men develop a tail of sorts above their buttocks which makes it excrutiatingly painful to sit down. I have not experienced this ailment personally but it very much scares me.

Letting People Make Their Own Mistakes
My friend is making what I consider to be a terrible financial mistake. I have never been so hands-off about something this serious in my life. I guess that is the nature of our economy — that people take calculated risks, and some people’s calculations are just way off and they fail and hopefully rebound and learn. I have learned that the most important thing to do in these cases is listen. Don’t be so righteous that you don’t consider valid arguments.

On another note, I hate worrying about integrity in business transactions. I am so glad to work for a nonprofit.

Gay Pride
I attended. In San Francisco, Pride is really a holiday more than a march. It’s just beautiful to look at the cross-section of gay people out there from all walks of life, and that they feel so safe here. I was more moved by omission here, in the sense that there were no dissenters. "Wow" is really all I can say.  It was great to see all these corporate sponsors, and I found the marching families really poignant. Afterwards, we went to Cafe Gratitude with two people who take the game very seriously. It was a lot of fun. We accidentally stayed 2 hours after closing.

Participating
San Francisco is peculiar in many ways, but one part of the culture really sticks out. Strangers often interject in your conversations or inquiries without solicitation. It happens everyday. It is both bad a and good. I like transparency and openness, and the fact that people are interested and engaged in others’ plights. On the other hand, it is invasive. You lose a sense of privacy. You are always in check and able to offend the people around you. Do you think people actually listen more here, or are people always listening and just respond more?

Wedding
I went to an inter-cultural Muslim Mendhi and wedding.  Excepting my prior exhaltation about the abscence of love being OK, inter-cultural marriages make me so happy. I think each takes a major step in eradicating prejudice. With an extensive ripple effect, it forces people to learn about, accept, and ultimately embrace differences. The wedding, which was held at a gorgeous home in Napa, was really more of a reunion for me. I saw a bunch of people that I haven’t seen in 4+ years, some from college, and one from law school, plus some people who I’ve heard about, but have never met. The house it was held in was beautiful. The only part I would have changed were people dipping the gulab jamun in mint sauce. They didn’t know better. A lot of the people who were there were lawyers. So many lawyers have so much hesitancy in their careers. So many are just looking for their next pursuit, or justifying why they’re not doing what they love — as if they’re making some life or death sacrifice. I always hear the same two excuses: many people hate their careers, so at least I am making money. Also, I hear I went to Law School, so I might as well do it [even if I hate it.] These perspectives are sad to me. Most recently, I heard the language that a person who left the law didn’t "cut it." To me, leaving a profession that one does not enjoy equates to exactly the opposite. I don’t hate lawyers, but gosh am I glad not to be one.

Shifting Targets
Glide had a sermon recently that really resonated with me. Again, rooted in capitalism (and relevant to my career in fundraising) the pastor espoused that few of us fancy our needs being met; that we all aspire to comfort, but our conceptions of what is comfortable are like a shifting target that gets farther and farther as we acquire more. This mentality stops us from sharing or giving, and also stops us from understanding others with different targets — and that cuts both ways.

Jazz Festival
I attended one of the largest free jazz festivals in the country. I ate a substandard teriaki bowl and danced a little funk and a tiny bit of merengue. I want to learn some formalized moves

Redid my room   
I wrote a few entries ago about how I’ve moved so many times in my life. Being in one place for too long gets me a little antsy. The way I cope with this reality is through inventorying and reconfiguring my room. This weekend I did this in my room. I get obsessive when I do this. I feel that dust is my enemy. I vacuumed, organized, and shifted furniture. I am now in love with my little lair, which will last me about 3 months.

Somebody died from Kombucha
In 1995, in a small Iowa town, two people died from acidosis from drinking kombucha. I will not stop. Tomorrow I get a baby and I am going to nurture him. I am currently looking for godparents.

I don’t read the news
Pretty much since the election I have stopped reading the news, mainly due to apathy/a lack of interest. Instead I read publications like the New Yorker, and Utne, and rely on word-of-mouth and research about the more important things, like Sandra Day O’Connor. I think I am much less fearful , and perhaps more critical, now. Is this a delusion or a shame?

4th of July
My friend had a party at a beautiful apartment in Oakland. I drank a blood orange martini and ate some yummy food. It has a gorgeous view of Lake Merritt and from it we had vantage points of perhaps 10 fireworks displays, including two large ones. There were two larger groups of friends there that did not mix at all. I always think it’s interesting how as humans, that out of fear or comfort, we bind ourselves to a social group, to the exclusion of others, treating the other as nonexistant or another species. This is all an illusion.

Napolean Dynamite and What the Bleep
These are two movies that have repeatedly put me to sleep. I don’t hate them, but they are an alternative to Xanax.

Voice Class
It’s going well. My teacher called me gifted and wants me to get headshots. She thinks I am totally castable. As part of the class we are supposed to generate a career map, and I just don’t know what I want to do with this part of my life. I basically want to keep it at the level I am at for now, but it seems almost fruitless. This is good for my self-esteem, but makes me feel nervous and accountable. Singing makes you feel so vulnerable because it’s a built-in instrument. If it sounds bad, it’s you, rather than a string or a key that is the problem.

Conception of Time
I am fully adjusted to not being a student. Somehow worklife has skewed my perception of time. I have a hard time distinguishing between one hour, day, week, or month. I think part of this is due to a lack of real seasons here.

Parking Lot
I have lots of vacation days but I am sort of addicted to the idea of accruing more, and saving them, with the ultimate ambition of going to South Africa.