Anti-Tsunami

My week felt really good.

Audition
I am a marketable artist. A friend of mine, Beverly (a professional actress), heard me sing at my birthday soiree and suggested that I audition for a professional, paid musical: Shopping! The Musical by Morris Bobrow (a locally famous writer and producer). I got an initial audition by the grace of Buddha (because my send-in materials suck). The day of the audition, I selected a monologue at 11 am, with the audition at 7 pm. The monologue was from a free website, as opposed to a play (which is pretty much the trashiest thing you could do). I arrived to the audition and I heard this guy (my competition) through the door and he was just incredible, and I wanted to leave. But, Beverly was there, so I stayed. I sang my little heart out on "If I Loved You." And the accompanist royally screwed up "All I Need is the Girl," but I chugged along (which is the best thing that can happen to prove your worth as an entertainer). To make a long story short, the producer loved me. He told me "I might discover you." I got a callback the next day and got comp tix to the play, which probably runs through September. There are only 4 roles, all are principals, and if selected, I am to learn both parts. I will hear final word at the beginning of next week. Either way, it was a GREAT experience and I feel great.

Professional Development
The day after the initial audition for the musical, at work I was nominated (with a formal invitation and all) to participate in this selective management trainee program called ARETE. It’s supposed to be fabulous and is comprised of 6 full-day (9 am - 7 pm in Walnut Creek) seminars on topics like supervising employees, hiring staff, things like that. I am excited about it and to see who is in my cohort. I am a professional development nerd now that I like my field of work.
Speaking of work, part of it consists of taking people out to lunch. Usually I have 2 lunches or so a wek. Last week I had a LOT more. For example, one day I had two alumni lunches in a row. I had to order a salad at one and then a simple sandwich at the second. In fact, I was out for 5 days in a row and met with 12 alumni for lunch. I also met with a friend of a friend who is starting a nonprofit. In many of these meetings I had the opportunity to do what I love — to act like an expert and have people react to my suggestions and take notes. That just makes me happy.
I am also getting to the point at work where I feel really comfortable with my colleagues.

Matzoh and Macaroons
Passover is coming soon. The best thing about passover is matzoh. I love it, especially when it’s crispy and egg-based. Share the love. Get some matzoh. Break it in small pieces and spread some Smart Balance on it. Or better yet, melt some shredded cheddar on it.
I was talking last week with Ilia about Manichevitz and how they unfairly dominate the market on kosher food (because they use tropical oils, and trans fats, and get away with murder). Let’s file an antitrust suit. Otherwise, one of you entrepreneurial types should create a "Pepsi" to Manichevitz. Perhaps make a more organicky label (?). Today I was at the supermarket with Jason. I think I mentioned before that part of the culture of San Francisco is that people listen in and participate in your conversations. I was describing Jewish macaroons (which were on sale) to Jason and characterized them as "cheap" at $1.99 each. Then, this older Asian guy scolded me for my diction, yelling "cheap implies low quality", and that I should say "inexpensive," and that he planned to buy some later." I thought this was an odd exchange on a few levels. And, I wouldn’t think to criticize his characterization of say, bok choy, as cheap.

50-Somethings
I think I miss my mom. My best friends from my ACT classes have not been peers, but rather the older, classy, hot women in my class; women Delia would befriend. Yesterday I went to see an uber-talented classmate of mine (Maryann) perform at Rustico’s in Sausalito, with another classmate of mine (Donna - a former broadway star who is an old friend of John Travolta’s). Maryann sang the jazz standards with a brilliant jazz clarinet player in a thoroughly charming, candlelit, multi-tiered Italian restaurant, with red walls and brass fixtures. The food was fabulous — Donna and I shared a delicious salad, and mussels, and wine, and wild salmon. And, all the pasta is handmade. And, it is just great to get out of the city, and be where there aren’t hipsters and homeless people for a change; even if it’s just for a brief time. And, Maryann was an incredible singer and looked gorgeous (and asked me to sing duets with her on her new CD!). And, Donna was so engaging to talk to about life and love and career. We talked for 5 hours non-stop. It all felt so normal even though a couple at another table I think suspected there was a Mrs. Robinson thing going on. I even had worthy insight about relationships, i.e. whether/how people change over time. I credit my mom for providing me with the ease to relate to, and develop friendships, with people like Donna and Maryann.  I can’t wait until Delia comes back in town so that we can all go out.

Homebody
My weekends are sometimes more busy than my weeks. It actually gets hard (and expensive) to jaunt around town, and balance various evites, concerts, birthdays, clubs, restaurants. Don’t get me wrong, I love that I have the option, but I need to learn to say "no."  I am always running from place-to-place, perpetually sitting on a bus, late, or upset because someone else is late, pissing someone off because they don’t want to hang out with the person I’m with, sometimes having the same conversation over and over again (feeling like a jester), and I am just somewhat exhausted.
A couple months ago I criticized Joanna for saying she wanted to be more of a homebody. I had no idea what she meant. I thought, "who aspires to be lame?". Now, I totally get it. I am going through an itty-bitty phase where I just want to loaf around my apartment. Today, for example, I cooked all this chicken that was sitting in my freezer. I made chicken korma, and chicken parmesan and chicken nuggets. I cleaned my floors, and brilloed my stove. It was great!

City Mouse
I love San Francisco and city living. I love walking everywhere, and bodegas, and interacting with quirky people, and coffee, and bookstores, and public transportation, and cabs (and South Asian cab drivers who love Lahore Karahi).
Pursuant to this, I was on xoxohth and there was a discussion about places where we’d like to live, so I thought I would create a little ranking for your viewing pleasure. Post your’s if you’re interested. I’m only including North America cities I would consider, and places where I’ve been to for a significant time in the last 6 or so years. I am also taking into account my connections to the area, and distance from my family.
(1) San Francisco
(2) Portland, OR, Montreal
(3) New York City
(4) Los Angeles
(4) Chicago, Washington, D.C., San Diego
(5) Austin, Minneapolis, Boston, Vancouver
(6) Miami, Seattle, Atlanta

Transamerica/Asexuality
I saw a really interesting movie, Transamerica at the Lumiere; it’s about transgender stuff. I find the whole transgender movement intellectually interesting and inspiring. I was actually really shocked that the actor playing the protagonist (Felicity Huffman) is biologically a woman. I think she should definitely have received the Academy Award. Later on, I watched this 20/20 show about the asexuality movement, which I find interesting too.  I looked up the guy who started the formal movement on facebook. He went to Wesleyan — go figure. Anway, I think it’s interesting to lump asexuality into the whole sphere of LGBT - it’s like calling "invisible" a color. I also think it’s interesting because people seem to understand being gay so much more than being asexual. It’s kind of paradigm-shifting in that way. It’s funny because I like when people try to relate to other people, but I hate when people try to impose their own experience as the only valid kind of experience. Like for example, people are like, oh there’s no such thing as bisexuality because I only like one gender and have no desire for the other one. It’s like me saying, there’s no such thing as people who love ketchup because I hate it so much. Or, I guess it’s like me thinking Joanna was crazy because she wanted to be a homebody.

Tough love

Growing up, mom always told me "you can’t be tissue paper." She’s a total hypocrite, but her philosophy seemingly seeped in. I was never told boys don’t cry or anything of the sort. But, I just don’t find crying or whining very persuasive as a rhetorical device (though I do find it therapeutic).

Caveat: If somebody rarely cries or cries about something like death or disease, this doesn’t apply.

Taint

This weekend was incredible. My body is aching from the glorious hike up Twin Peaks, dancing at Delirium, singing at Martunis, a delicious brunch at the Universal, and a frisbee playing session in the Panhandle. However, the weekend was slightly tainted because I had two sour dynamics. Now, these aren’t fights. I am just not a Jerry Springer type. But, it’s crying and awkward silences and a lack of resolution that plague me.

Doncha Know?

Perhaps I developed a certain level of passive-aggressiveness when I lived in Minnesota, but I am not a confronter. Like, if somebody upsets me, I wait for them to come to me, and if somebody hasn’t paid enough on a joint bill, I will just bite the bullet and pay their portion. If people ask me what is wrong two times I will generally unleash my beef with a given situation. With that said, I am often confronted. And, my response when I feel the confrontation is unwarranted is that I am not going to adjust my life and actions for what I perceive as hypersensitivity. This is why I would be a terrible psychologist. More importantly, does this make me abusive? Given that I have a certain effect on people, perhaps in context it does.

Father Theresa

From my vantage point, I can’t get away with selfishness like other people can. I think this is a balance/skill that some of my healthiest friends have honed. I have I am not saying I am selfless or altruistic or Father Theresa — far from it — but I feel like I am held very accountable to others, and not of my own volition. I think in trying to fortify these boundaries and barriers I am impacting some relationships.

Exceptions

There are only a few exceptions: The only person who can "get" me in that respect is my mom, my dad, and my sister. When they cry, it’s gut wrenching. One of the things that I know I will regret when my mom is gone is all the times I’ve made her cry.

Back to the point, this all goes back to my perspective on victimization; how we all choose how we perceive our circumstances. And, this is all superceded by blood relationships.

Extended Family

Speaking of which, I have such an aloof relationship with my family aside from my mom, dad, sister, and first cousin Margie. For example, I had an odd conversation with my brother the other day. I hadn’t spoken with him in a few years, and I called him because my dad had slurred speech, leading me to believe he had a stroke. I tried to engage him, but he was very disinterested. In the past, he had made efforts to get to know me and probably feels rejected. But, I’m not willing to invest in repairing a relationship that barely existed in the first place.  I also rarely, if ever, get invited to family weddings. My family on one side is pretty provincial. They don’t travel, or even eat out for that matter. Most of them are too scared to come to San Francisco due to the compounded fear of airplanes and earthquakes.

Regarding above, my dad sounds much better.

Everything’s Flowers

Honestly, things are going pretty well. I keep meeting such great people. I got this unexpected e-mail this morning from a friend of a friend who was visiting:

"Andrew,

I just wanted to say thank you for making my weekend with you guys so much fun. It was so nice to hang out with such a comfortable, fun, intelligent group of people. XYZ really has found something special in all of you. I couldn’t have asked for a better 48 hours. Thanks again."

And, it’s TRUE.

POTPURRI:

Audition: I have an audition for a professional local musical tomorrow (Shopping: The Musical), though I haven’t selected a monologue yet — or memorized one for that matter. Whoops!

Reunion: I think I am going to miss reunion. I am so "the type" to attend a reunion, but I will be in MN a month later and it doesn’t make sense for me to go twice. I can just extend my stay and see who I need to see. Also, I realized that I do a fairly good job of keeping in touch with the important people in my class year, and those people in San Francisco. As a professional matter, it would have been nice to go, but big oh well.

Furries: The next of those funky parties that could only happen in San Francisco involves dressing as your favorite animal. Jill and Chris will love it.

Bay to Breakers: The weather was gorgeous this weekend. Out-of-towners (and I mean Petey or Katie M), you’ve GOT to come for this event soon!

North Face: I’ve been dying for a jackets from North Face, and Rakhee serendipitously gave me one and I am happy.

Glide: I need to see Transamerica and go to Glide.

Hearn: Jenny Hearn is visiting soon. Yippee!

So I have a complex because nobody posted a comment last time. This is how I gauge how interesting my posts are. Then, I realized that this is more for me than for you. My twin aims of blogging are (1) to express my garbled up thoughts in a linear fashion, and (2) to stay connected with people I care about.

Format-wise, I am going to stop talking about happenings and try to be more reflective because it’s probably the best for me and for you.

Johari – You on Me

So here are the results of the johari: Here are words that you picked to describe me that I anticipated: energetic, extroverted, friendly, knowledgeable, spontaneous. My most dominant trait was energetic.

Here are words that you picked to describe me that I didn’t anticipate: able, accepting, adaptable, brave, clever, confident, dependable, giving, happy, helpful, independent, ingenious, observant, powerful, reflective, self-assertive, silly, warm, and witty. None were shocking.

Then, I developed an obsessive complex when nobody described me as intelligent, but I got over it quickly.  The way I justified this in my head was that I can still be intelligent without it being a dominant trait, and that notions of intelligence are relative; relatively speaking I surround myself with extremely intelligent people.

There was only one attribute that I anticipated you would describe me as where you didn’t, and that was friendly. Then, that reminded me of a couple things.

Back in college, my roommate Shane told me that he wouldn’t use the word “nice” to describe me. This coincides with the idea that people on my Israel trip thought I was “haughty.” And to add fuel to this fire, last night we had a final open class for my vocal ensemble class and I actually felt “haughty.” It’s not that I think I am God’s gift or anything. I just have no patience for people who I feel are wasting my time, either with a lack of talent, with fluff, or worse yet, with ignorance. I suppose this makes me less tolerant, or nice. I am definitely selectively friendly.

Preacher

I need to stop proselytizing. I have a bad habit of it. You probably know this. Jill is really good at nipping it in the bud, but you should all call me on it. I need to let people live, and reserve my judgment/mentorship/energy for people who actually want it, or seek change, and are willing to work towards it.

I devote too much of myself to lost causes, or people who aren’t willing to take action on their own, and I am setting them up for disaster, and myself up for disappointment. I feel like I am the most nepotistic/least meritocratic person, and not in the sense that I want Macalester graduates to prosper in some discrete way. Rather, I want people who I associate with to do really well. Anyway, let me know point-blank/stop me if I am preaching to you and you don’t want or need my advice. If I were more entrepreneurial (or intelligent) I would commodify this trait and become a full-on life coach.

Seattle

Ok, let’s get practical. I went to Seattle for a vacation and job conference. Serendipitously, Cara and Josh, my hosts there, had great news for me when they picked me up: they are moving to San Francisco!

To toot my own horn, their excellent hosting style much parallels mine. They get so excited about showing me lots of different places, they appreciate food/restaurants (Snappy Dragon Chinese – yummers!), and they are just great. I spent 3 days with them and we went to Olympic National Park. I don’t think there was a moment of silence, and this is not because it would have been awkward to have had one. We had excellent crab dip in Port Angeles, and salmon jerky.

I never go to national parks of my own volition, but always love reconnecting with nature. We saw fluttering grey jays with a view of Victoria, BC in the distance, and went snow shoeing in Hurricane Ridge (Josh dramatically fell into a snow well). We also saw the Hoh rainforest. It reminded me of parts of Botswana.

Note: I am getting to the point where I taxonomize everything incessantly; to the extent that I annoy myself. Everywhere I go reminds me of somewhere else I hav been, or a cross between two places; apply same to people. It doesn’t allow me to appreciate anything fully for what it is.

I very much like, but I haven’t fallen in love with Seattle, but I am OK with that. I think I put too much pressure on myself to develop strong feelings about it, and then I thought, who the Hell cares? I can see how it’s an incredible place to live; it reminds me of a hybrid of good aspects of Minnesota and Salt Lake City.

Notably, I wish Petey had come.

Conference –> Moving

I stayed at a great hotel (Monaco, which had a leopard bath robe that I wanted to own) and attended an incredible conference for alumni directors. I learned all these great tips, which I have been passing along. Going to this conference also made me realize what a good fit my job is for me. Honestly, when I went to law conferences in my past life, I would doze off. Here, I am completely engaged; a total eager beaver.

I really connected to one guy who was leading the conference who is a 31-year old former attorney and running a huge office for a huge, prestigious university. He tried to recruit me to interview for an awesome high level dream position out East (that is FAR more lucrative). I considered it for about 4 hours, and got this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach about moving. It was awful, and strange because just two years ago this was a place/location I would have loved! I just don’t have it in me.

During those 4 hours of contemplation, I had a really interesting conversation with my dad about it. At first, he opined that I have created this whole life in California and would probably be miserable if I moved. Not sure if initially he was employing reverse psychology or playing Devil’s Advocate, but about halfway through he changed his tune and was went n a rampage about how California is not the real world, it’s full of con people, and all of my family is on the East Coast. This is really similar to the spiel he gave me when I first considered moving here. Anyway, he got really passionate about it, and it made me feel bad, because I was getting all these awful feelings about moving and I felt like a bad son. (Then I realized where I developed my tendency to preach.)

Regardless, I wish I was born and raised out West. It would be easier if my family was close by, but I am not moving. Sometimes I wish that I had never been exposed to San Francisco, because I am addicted to it, perhaps for life. To follow this up, I had a conversation with my mom about what she would do if Basil passed away, and she said that she would move here ½ time (she is retiring). This made me feel better.

Age

When I go to these conferences and function in the professional world (in contrast to my Israel trip), I meet people who are my own age and perceive them as ageless adults, and then realize that I am probably perceived this way. People my age sometimes look “old”, to the extent that it’s scary. The maintenance guy at my work (who is super-nice) guessed my age. I had always felt like I looked a lot younger than my age. But, I think the various stresses of law school aged me.

Gifts

So you may remember that I received an incredible gift of a scarf made by a member of my ex-favorite reality show. Now it’s that person’s birthday and I feel a tremendous pressure to buy a great gift for them. She is a vegetarian, but if she wasn’t I would buy teriyaki wild salmon jerky for her, because it is really that good.

Note: If you are interested in my reviews on everything. I am trying to channel my aforementioned judgementalness through yelp.

PS: I received a kitchen calculator from Ilia, which is officially the most random gift I have ever received.

PPS: I had a scary experience walking to work yesterday. There was a huge plume of black smoke emitting from near my work, which I could view in the horizon. I felt stupid to do so, but continued to walk towards it. I perceived the people around me felt the same way. Turns out there was a fire caused by the insulation on the BART, but for a while I suspected that there was another 9-11 on our hands.