Anti-Tsunami

ACTOR - SHOPPING!

I am a professional actor. I did not expect to get the part, but did. Here is the website: www.shoppingthemusical.com. I am freaking. Honestly, part of the reason I took it was because I didn’t think people would believe I was offered the part, as awful as that sounds. The play has been wildly successful and sold out every day.
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/03/05/PKGHQHDPOT1.DTL

Note: Shopping! is cheesy as Hell, by design:

I have been rehearsing almost every day. Morrie wants me to be fully memorized by May 5, and to debut May 11. It should run through September. I don’t know how it’s all going to play out. I am actually quite stressed. This is the kind of role I thought I would get in 5 years. The director thinks I am a singing diva because I honestly don’t know how to act. He said, "this play is about a lot more than belting out pretty G’s." You’d think I would know how to act because I have a lot of personality. Wish me luck. I need it. RIP social life.

TAHOE

Andrea toured a time-share back in the day in Florida, so she had a free hotel voucher, which we redeemed in Tahoe. It was quite an adventure. We left right after work on a Friday. About 10 miles in, we stopped for fast food and Andrea drove right over a wide chatahootchie median. Incredibly, the undercarriage was spared. Then, we got most of the way there only to find that we needed to get chains for our tires. After attempting to find chains at a number of outlets, we finally found a place. Simultaneously, we found out that the roads were closed in both directions and we were forced to sleep in a supermarket parking lot. Luckily there were many others in the same predicament who were having a jolly good time out there tailgaiting, etc. To fall asleep we took Excedrin PM, only to be awaken two hours later (groggy as can be) to be told that the highway was reopened. (We all breathed Andrea’s sick air and later got sick) It took us about 4 hours to go 40 miles through the snow with these tires. We arrived at the Horizon, a blue collar casino Mecca. Went up Heavenly the next day with Rakhee, pretending I was a yedi. We also had the best waiter ever from Miami who comped our bill after realizing we had a friend in common. Despite all this, Tahoe is more interesting than Iceland.

AUSTIN

I went to Austin, Texas. I love it there! It was a little reunion, bringing together my sister Jessica, and my niece (Emma) and nephew (Parker), whom I had not seen in about a year. I got to know the city a lot better (and shop around for fence builders for my property). The weather was perfect (sunny, 80’s, dry, and breezy), which was a welcome change from the San Francisco rain and drear of the last six weeks. My mom was so cute. She and Basil flew out incognito 2 weeks prior to our visit for a weekend to furnish their gorgeous home. In retrospect, I could’ve caught her because she was talking on the phone about two UT students who died and car crash and I was wondering why the Florida news would carry something so obscure.

Austin is a great town, and we did just about everything on the agenda (aside from 6th Street), from Barton Springs pool to margaritas at Gueros to the flagship Whole Foods to watching the millions of bats at the SoCo bridge. Also, I visited a nice trendy little spot, the San Jose Hotel, and found Shiner beer. (Beer is cheap in Austin even at fancy places). Lots of good food (BBQ heaven)! It was an ideal reunion and we had a total blast; it felt like I came from a normal family. We rented a minivan with a DVD for Emma to watch Barbie. I can’t wait to go back.

Emma (now 4) was finally a little person who made complete sentences and who flaunted an impressive memory. She is a beautiful and aloof child, with her grey eyes and strawberry blonde hair and olive complexion. She is generally very skeptical of those around her and hates talking on the phone - even to her father. The second day she opined, "I don’t think I ever want to leave." However, whenever she got tired and cranky she would beg her mom to go back to her "regular house." Even though this is a natural emotion, I felt so guilty when she said this because I wanted her to be happy. It gave me a small taste of parental accountability.  Parker is very different than Emma. He is very active and daring, constantly climbing up and down the stairs of my mom’s house, like a mischevious monkey. He says "la-la" and "mono" (for monkey). I took a little video with him and will post pictures soon. He is usually finnicky with new people, but took to me very quickly. I carried him a whole lot. I felt like a good uncle.

PS - I saw Cara Collier at the Central Market - Austin has the coolest supermarkets
PPS - Emma didn’t get accepted to the fancy prep school where she had to point to her clavicle as part of her enterence interview. Luckily, neither did my sister’s yuppie friends’ kids (one of whom is named Elvis).

MIGRAINE

I had a crazy migraine or heat stroke last week. It was so scary. I left my phone in Thorben’s car on Wednesday night. He was headed to LA on Thursday afternoon. I only had a very short window on Thursday when his brother came to town to pick the phone up. I needed my phone more than ever with all my guests around. Anyway, my day was packed. So full of adrenaline I bolted from SOMA to Coit Tower to meet his brother in the sun in my business clothes (including clogs). I was sweat was pouring from my pores, and my heart was pounding and I could barely breathe. But, I had to make a meeting back at GGU, so I ran back. The whole cycle took me about 45 minutes, which I could not have completed without intense adrenaline. Then, I was late to my meeting and starting seeing dramatic lights. I thought I was having an aneurism or going blind, but for some reason decided not to say anything (though I think I was blinking strangely). Anyway, my head started pounding, but I had no time to waste. I had to run to rehearsal. I sang, under a light, for 3 hours. My director could care less. Not sure if it was exhaustion, heat stroke, or a migraine, but, regardless, I hated it.

BAD JEW

Passover. I actually participated in a sedar at Jason’s house.  It was fun and reformy and the too-good-to-be-true gefilte fish (with delicious horseradish) was made of fresh salmon and delicious. (Note to good Jews, earlier in the day I ate bacon, so I suck.)

My Jewish colleagues saw me eating leavened bread today and told me that because I defied a kosher diet, I would be buried in a Texas Methodist grave. I believed this to be quoteable. I like feeling accountable to other Jews.

I spent Easter with Anita and her family whom I had not seen for about 2 years. It was so much fun. It felt like old times in Connecticut and the time just flew by — like a warp. They want to set me up with a 28 year old Bengali nurse who is waiting for me in a suburb of Dhaka. Apparantly she is attractive. Probhati is ready to fly me out to pick her up for the arranged marriage. They are so funny!

SWITCH

My very good friend has just switched from an alternative sexuality to a traditional one. This is a strange switch. We hailed the party commemorating this shift (a dinner at Picaro) a "coming in party".

VISITORS

I had a glorious busy week of VIP visitors. Jenny Hearn (who eats animals) and Peter Martino were here at the same time. I love both of these people a lot, so I felt warm and fuzzy like a warm oatmeal raisin cookie, all weekend. Hugs abounded. Also visiting were Jenny’s husband (JC - an incredible French acupuncturist), and her (and now my) friend Laura (who is moving here), and Laura’s boyfriend, Elias ("buddy bear").  We ran around as an entourage, which was a lot of fun.

We had a lot of fun running around and eating and drinking to many of the regular haunts, Delerium, Zeitgeist, Los Jarritos (i LOVE the chilaquiles remo — the owner’s son who went on a date with my cousing Margie, gave us free flan and tres leches), Lahore Karahi, dim sum, Ferry Plaza (where Petey got to try subpar salmon jerky). I am usually a light drinker, but had lots of wine this weekend. Lots.

Jill pretty much planned most of Jen’s activities (Jill hosted Jen, and I hosted Laura and Elias), and it was both hard and relieving to relinquish control of the guests. Jill and Chris are good at challenging me in that way. The guests did take mine (or rather Toby’s) suggestions re: vineyards.

My guests were great and showered me with wonderful gifts (like a table-top tapestry) and notes and I like them!

We played a really fun game where we went around the table deciding what names fit what people. And, then calling out names and seeing who best fit them. After that, I became an adjective swami and started writing 7 adjectives for each person. One of Petey’s was "khaki." Fitting! This was at Picaro tapas, where I *think* I ate something ketchup based, but didn’t verify this, nor vomit.

Petey and I also decided to retire to the same convalescent home — perhaps in Portland. At one point he wanted me to euthanize him (a possibility in Oregon) if he went incontinent. But, he rescinded. Notably, his hairline seems to have stopped receding.

Also visiting is my stepbrother Tristan and his family. Tristan is Lee’s 40-year old son, the "pharmacologist" who has apparantly talked dirt about me for years, even though I have never met or spoken to him. He has basically been stalking me, so I am going to see him on Thursday.

FOUND

My father is not wealthy. The nicest gift he ever bought me was a fancy watch for my law school graduation. I took the watch to Israel. When I returned, I could not find it! I freaked, unsuccessfully looking everywhere for a replacement. El Al Airlines destroyed my Ipod and stole fellow participants’ curling irons and scuba gear, so I berated them, to no avail. The other day, while rifling through my GGU messenger bag, I found it. Ahhhh, the relief… like eating an avocado.

AVOCADO

I am part of this leadership academy training majigee — a 6 day, 12 week program where you receive a hokey diploma and everything. I am totally addicted to this stuff. This is my 3rd — Ritz Carlton Legendary Service, CASE, and now Arete. I love simulations! I learned that whenever you are stressed you should eat an avocado. I should eat an avocado.

PS - the weather is now splendid and will stay this way.
PPS - my assistant Laura at work rocks and she makes my life infinitely easier. I have a huge event at work tomorrow. Wish me luck. I should be a wedding planner.