Anti-Tsunami

My wanderlust died.

It always comes back to Thomas Friedman’s The Lexus and the Olive Tree (and, I suppose, Suze Orman’s Young, Broke, & Fabulous). It was the story of my long-term break-up. I am the Lexus; the hyper-ambitious, work-success-oriented one - the one who’s attracted to the glitz, to the title.

Right now, I live this fairy tale life, filled with eclectic people, food, and environs. San Francisco feels to me more like a small hamlet than a metropolis. I bump into friendly faces nearly everywhere I go. I’m well-connected. For the first time in my life, I don’t have any real enemies. The natural beauty of the place astounds me, as does Blue Bottle Coffee at Ferry Plaza, nude people frollicking on Baker Beach as if it’s the Garden of Eden, seeing parallel cliques at Bay to Breakers, watching old hippies and miscreants play dijeridou at Sacred Grounds, and tranny prostitutes saunter down Polk St., my 10-buck haircuts at Cinta, scarfing down chilaquiles remo and listening to mariachis play at Los Jarritos, hanging out at Lahore Karahi after 3 rounds of free kulfi with Bollywood blasting in the background, watching KaBoom from a hill in Treasure Island, almost crying at Glide Church every time I say the introductory prayer, singing at Martunis to a rousing applause, strolling around Nob Hill or Dolores Park on a sunny day, and returning home from the East Bay, late night, and walking from Powell through a sea of tourists in Union Square who I used to think were the biggest suckers ever for not living here. This past weekend I showed my mom San Francisco. It was her 4th trip here in the past 3 years. I took her to my favorite haunts, to the Castro Theatre sing-along of Evita, wine sampling in Sonoma, to watch Spelling Bee: The Musical, to the hole in the wall Vietnamese restaurant I love; we looked for Buddhas in Chinatown, listened to my 60-something friend from ACT sing the standards in Sausalito, and sampled truffle oil at the Farmer’s Market. This time, she finally got why I loved San Francisco so much. And, the fact that she got it, made me feel a lot closer to her. And, more at home.

My life is pretty well perfect, except for a little thing called career advancement. Part of the equation for why my life is so great is my job. I know this is confusing. As opposed to my brief stints in the law, I really love working in higher education; in fact, I’m meant for it. But, at Golden Gate there isn’t any room for me to grow professionally, and the school is simply too nontraditional for me. And, I can’t afford to live responsibly, to pay my mortgage, credit cards, etc.. This realization gave rise to a moment (or weeks) of weakness, which prompted a major life shift.

Here is the story.
I was in Seattle at a 3-day Conference for Alumni Relations. I was real eager-beaver at the whole thing, having to restrain myself from raising my hand incessantly. I had lunch with one of the keynote presenters (an ex-attorney) who implied that he’d like to lure me to D.C., which I initially scoffed at. We kept in touch. A few months later, I receive a call from him imploring me to interview. I head to D.C. to consider my options. Meanwhile, I quickly apply to a number of jobs at Stanford and Berkeley, for which I receive quite a few interview offers, none of which panned out in time. In, D.C. I undergo a battery of interviews for what turns out to be a perfect-fit position, and receive a soft offer pending one interview. I returned to San Francisco, and back to D.C. for one 30-minute interview. The rest is history.

Let me tell you about the job - I am the Director of Reunions (even though I missed my Mac reunion this past weekend). It’s a newly created position. Basically, I am the large-scale event planner for the 9 schools of the university. Right now Reunions are virtually nonexistent. I’m going to change that to create a major fundraising event that attracts tens of thousands of people. I have a staff. I’m the only non-alumnus in the office. And, interestingly a lot of the office is comprised of males, which is atypical in alumni relations. My job description talks about international travel.

To make a long story short, I’m moving to D.C., a place I once considered a second home; a place that prompted my tear-ridden crisis to leave Hartford for the "big city." At one point, D.C. was a refuge for me. Wow - how perspectives change. Now, thinking about moving from San Francisco to yuppified, suit-and-tie-obsessed D.C. inspires panic. Basically, moving has been my life, and it’s never been a problem before.  If you don’t know me well, I was born in NY, raised in FL, attended undergrad in MN, and law school in CT,  spent summers in NY, SC, NC, PA, IL, MO, MA, DC, and CA. In fact, I have never lived in the same house for more than 2 years. But, this time I feel differently.

After I made the decision, I experienced a few hyper-sensitive weeks of qualified devastation.
First, it seems like many of my closest friends and people who I’ve invested in have moved or committed to move to the West Coast, and understandably so. Tom and Merinda are moving to Seattle just as I move East. Cara and Josh moving to San Francisco. The pace is so right - so unpretentious, so cool. People here are more health-conscious, nicer, and know how to balance their life and work. The cities are more liberal. At first, I sought consolation in others. I even went on myspace looking for D.C. lurkers to tell my why D.C. is awesome. Au contraire, the common themes of people’s responses have been that I making a reverse commute, or that "D.C. is no San Francisco." OK, I’ve established that people are rude, dressed, hyper-political, the Asian food’s not off-the-wall-good, it’s dangerous, sleepy on Sundays, there’s little in the way of organics and green-haired hipsters, bureacrating, there’s no skyline, and the housing is more expensive than San Francisco. End of rant.
Second, The last two years have been the best of my life thus far (a pretty good life I must say). I have never felt so balanced, so independant, so surrounded by like-minded people before. And, I’m leaving.

At first, I was angry; angry that I "had" to move. Then, I got over my martyrdom. I chose to leave. I chose to leave largely because this position will open future doors in my career for me to live in the Bay Area on a permanent basis, after 3-4 years in D.C. More on that later.
Third, the plan seems fool-proof except for a little thing call aging. I feel like I am throwing away my youth in the garbage. If I could freeze-frame everything and live the next 3 years as a 27-year old, I would feel better. But, I realize I am going to be 30 or 31 when I move back, which sounds awfully old to me. Like when I come back, I won’t be able to go to Zeitgeist or identify with wayward recent college grads with a sparkle in their eyes (and a chip on their shoulders), as they search for clubs to party at on 16th and Valencia. I am realizing that I am not that young. Like my mom and I were talking and she was saying people who are not young or old, like me, are more susceptible to bird flu. My mom also tells people I am 26 (so as not to age her).

There’s a bunch of silver linings:

People keep saying, and I know (for better or for worse), the 3 years will zip by. And, the big earthquake is going to happen while I’m gone. And real estate prices will plunge, allowing me to buy in Dolores Park. And, I’m definitely not moving to Wichita. And, my wages will be far more liveable (allowing for frequent trips to San Francisco). And, the job is perfect. And, people have left the Bay Area and survived (thank you to the Emily’s). Others are joining me out East (Turadg, Mike). And, my mother’s a little psychic (for example, 2 days ago she asked me about an elementary school friend of mine who I hadn’t thought about in 10 years, whom I researched and couldn’t find, and who e-mailed me out of the blue THE SAME FRIKKIN DAY - only I understand how strange this is), and she knows I am coming back the Bay, though she wants me in Rockridge or Berkeley for some reason.

During my final interview (I was in D.C. for about 12 hours after an Ambien induced red eye the preceding night), I checked out 5 apartments in D.C. in quick succession (one of the most interesting things is that at almost every apartment, the nearest dry cleaner was pointed out).  I pretty well have the best apartment (we’re talking a washing machine that goes straight from wash cycle to dry cycle and jets in the bathtub) in the best neighborhood of D.C. - at U and New Hampshire - with a really cool roommate. I am leasing from a legally educated non-lawyer. Fun stuff. It will be really exciting to be there during the presidential election. I am going to work out at GW’s illustrious gym. I vow to find a great Indian restaurant. I am close to New York City (and closer to Europe). Lots of conferences happen in D.C. And, crab cakes happen too. And, I have a bunch of good, really important friendships that will be re-energized, including Kitty, Sarah, Megan, Brianne, Mercer, Peta-Gaye, Ellen, the Daves, and others. None of my close law school friends will be out there, but Mel Brookes is a hop, skip, and a jump away. I wish Dan were there.

Another interesting thing has been people’s reactions to my leaving. The reactions varied. Some people felt betrayal. Some people were quick to snap at me about seemingly trivial things. Some people feigned indifference. Some people just show love and want to spend time together. It’s all really interesting and sort of unpredictable. Ultimately, I know deep down inside that I will be back. This is home. For the last two years, I laid a wonderful foundation that will faciliate a wonderful future here, filled with people I love (some of whom will have babies when I come back). D.C. will allow me to lay a professional foundation, which will allow me to live here comfortably until I get really old — way older than 30 or 31.

Whew - that’s all the justifying and explaining I can bear.

So, I’ve changed. Ironically, this grueling process has made me understand that although I am ultimately making a career move, I have a lot of olive tree in me. Now, I am not going to rush my time in D.C. I’m going to savor it (and figure out why I used to love it), because I’m not going to get my 20’s back. I’ll create a new fairy tale in D.C. filled with late night falafel in Adams Morgan, campaigning for the next winning Dem, and seeing more of my family (especially as my dad ages quickly).  With that said, these past two years have allowed me to lay a wonderful personal foundation for myself here, which will make it easy to return. And, my position at GW will allow me to lay a professional foundation to secure a comfortable life for myself on the Left Coast for the long-term future.

And, as for the play, thank BeJesus that that’s over. Between the grapevines, and the box steps, the choreographed dancing was killing me. The only problem is that they are using one of my beloved South African masks as a prop, and I am too chicken to ask for it back.

Anyway, so I finished the major stuff at work, had two going away parties (with 3 more to go) and things in the next two weeks should be pretty relaxed. My stuff is being shipped out today. Console me via e-mail akaufteil@gmail.com or phone (415) 725-1992 (I’m keeping my SF number). And, if you’re in D.C., fairy tale with me.

ACTOR - SHOPPING!

I am a professional actor. I did not expect to get the part, but did. Here is the website: www.shoppingthemusical.com. I am freaking. Honestly, part of the reason I took it was because I didn’t think people would believe I was offered the part, as awful as that sounds. The play has been wildly successful and sold out every day.
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/03/05/PKGHQHDPOT1.DTL

Note: Shopping! is cheesy as Hell, by design:

I have been rehearsing almost every day. Morrie wants me to be fully memorized by May 5, and to debut May 11. It should run through September. I don’t know how it’s all going to play out. I am actually quite stressed. This is the kind of role I thought I would get in 5 years. The director thinks I am a singing diva because I honestly don’t know how to act. He said, "this play is about a lot more than belting out pretty G’s." You’d think I would know how to act because I have a lot of personality. Wish me luck. I need it. RIP social life.

TAHOE

Andrea toured a time-share back in the day in Florida, so she had a free hotel voucher, which we redeemed in Tahoe. It was quite an adventure. We left right after work on a Friday. About 10 miles in, we stopped for fast food and Andrea drove right over a wide chatahootchie median. Incredibly, the undercarriage was spared. Then, we got most of the way there only to find that we needed to get chains for our tires. After attempting to find chains at a number of outlets, we finally found a place. Simultaneously, we found out that the roads were closed in both directions and we were forced to sleep in a supermarket parking lot. Luckily there were many others in the same predicament who were having a jolly good time out there tailgaiting, etc. To fall asleep we took Excedrin PM, only to be awaken two hours later (groggy as can be) to be told that the highway was reopened. (We all breathed Andrea’s sick air and later got sick) It took us about 4 hours to go 40 miles through the snow with these tires. We arrived at the Horizon, a blue collar casino Mecca. Went up Heavenly the next day with Rakhee, pretending I was a yedi. We also had the best waiter ever from Miami who comped our bill after realizing we had a friend in common. Despite all this, Tahoe is more interesting than Iceland.

AUSTIN

I went to Austin, Texas. I love it there! It was a little reunion, bringing together my sister Jessica, and my niece (Emma) and nephew (Parker), whom I had not seen in about a year. I got to know the city a lot better (and shop around for fence builders for my property). The weather was perfect (sunny, 80’s, dry, and breezy), which was a welcome change from the San Francisco rain and drear of the last six weeks. My mom was so cute. She and Basil flew out incognito 2 weeks prior to our visit for a weekend to furnish their gorgeous home. In retrospect, I could’ve caught her because she was talking on the phone about two UT students who died and car crash and I was wondering why the Florida news would carry something so obscure.

Austin is a great town, and we did just about everything on the agenda (aside from 6th Street), from Barton Springs pool to margaritas at Gueros to the flagship Whole Foods to watching the millions of bats at the SoCo bridge. Also, I visited a nice trendy little spot, the San Jose Hotel, and found Shiner beer. (Beer is cheap in Austin even at fancy places). Lots of good food (BBQ heaven)! It was an ideal reunion and we had a total blast; it felt like I came from a normal family. We rented a minivan with a DVD for Emma to watch Barbie. I can’t wait to go back.

Emma (now 4) was finally a little person who made complete sentences and who flaunted an impressive memory. She is a beautiful and aloof child, with her grey eyes and strawberry blonde hair and olive complexion. She is generally very skeptical of those around her and hates talking on the phone - even to her father. The second day she opined, "I don’t think I ever want to leave." However, whenever she got tired and cranky she would beg her mom to go back to her "regular house." Even though this is a natural emotion, I felt so guilty when she said this because I wanted her to be happy. It gave me a small taste of parental accountability.  Parker is very different than Emma. He is very active and daring, constantly climbing up and down the stairs of my mom’s house, like a mischevious monkey. He says "la-la" and "mono" (for monkey). I took a little video with him and will post pictures soon. He is usually finnicky with new people, but took to me very quickly. I carried him a whole lot. I felt like a good uncle.

PS - I saw Cara Collier at the Central Market - Austin has the coolest supermarkets
PPS - Emma didn’t get accepted to the fancy prep school where she had to point to her clavicle as part of her enterence interview. Luckily, neither did my sister’s yuppie friends’ kids (one of whom is named Elvis).

MIGRAINE

I had a crazy migraine or heat stroke last week. It was so scary. I left my phone in Thorben’s car on Wednesday night. He was headed to LA on Thursday afternoon. I only had a very short window on Thursday when his brother came to town to pick the phone up. I needed my phone more than ever with all my guests around. Anyway, my day was packed. So full of adrenaline I bolted from SOMA to Coit Tower to meet his brother in the sun in my business clothes (including clogs). I was sweat was pouring from my pores, and my heart was pounding and I could barely breathe. But, I had to make a meeting back at GGU, so I ran back. The whole cycle took me about 45 minutes, which I could not have completed without intense adrenaline. Then, I was late to my meeting and starting seeing dramatic lights. I thought I was having an aneurism or going blind, but for some reason decided not to say anything (though I think I was blinking strangely). Anyway, my head started pounding, but I had no time to waste. I had to run to rehearsal. I sang, under a light, for 3 hours. My director could care less. Not sure if it was exhaustion, heat stroke, or a migraine, but, regardless, I hated it.

BAD JEW

Passover. I actually participated in a sedar at Jason’s house.  It was fun and reformy and the too-good-to-be-true gefilte fish (with delicious horseradish) was made of fresh salmon and delicious. (Note to good Jews, earlier in the day I ate bacon, so I suck.)

My Jewish colleagues saw me eating leavened bread today and told me that because I defied a kosher diet, I would be buried in a Texas Methodist grave. I believed this to be quoteable. I like feeling accountable to other Jews.

I spent Easter with Anita and her family whom I had not seen for about 2 years. It was so much fun. It felt like old times in Connecticut and the time just flew by — like a warp. They want to set me up with a 28 year old Bengali nurse who is waiting for me in a suburb of Dhaka. Apparantly she is attractive. Probhati is ready to fly me out to pick her up for the arranged marriage. They are so funny!

SWITCH

My very good friend has just switched from an alternative sexuality to a traditional one. This is a strange switch. We hailed the party commemorating this shift (a dinner at Picaro) a "coming in party".

VISITORS

I had a glorious busy week of VIP visitors. Jenny Hearn (who eats animals) and Peter Martino were here at the same time. I love both of these people a lot, so I felt warm and fuzzy like a warm oatmeal raisin cookie, all weekend. Hugs abounded. Also visiting were Jenny’s husband (JC - an incredible French acupuncturist), and her (and now my) friend Laura (who is moving here), and Laura’s boyfriend, Elias ("buddy bear").  We ran around as an entourage, which was a lot of fun.

We had a lot of fun running around and eating and drinking to many of the regular haunts, Delerium, Zeitgeist, Los Jarritos (i LOVE the chilaquiles remo — the owner’s son who went on a date with my cousing Margie, gave us free flan and tres leches), Lahore Karahi, dim sum, Ferry Plaza (where Petey got to try subpar salmon jerky). I am usually a light drinker, but had lots of wine this weekend. Lots.

Jill pretty much planned most of Jen’s activities (Jill hosted Jen, and I hosted Laura and Elias), and it was both hard and relieving to relinquish control of the guests. Jill and Chris are good at challenging me in that way. The guests did take mine (or rather Toby’s) suggestions re: vineyards.

My guests were great and showered me with wonderful gifts (like a table-top tapestry) and notes and I like them!

We played a really fun game where we went around the table deciding what names fit what people. And, then calling out names and seeing who best fit them. After that, I became an adjective swami and started writing 7 adjectives for each person. One of Petey’s was "khaki." Fitting! This was at Picaro tapas, where I *think* I ate something ketchup based, but didn’t verify this, nor vomit.

Petey and I also decided to retire to the same convalescent home — perhaps in Portland. At one point he wanted me to euthanize him (a possibility in Oregon) if he went incontinent. But, he rescinded. Notably, his hairline seems to have stopped receding.

Also visiting is my stepbrother Tristan and his family. Tristan is Lee’s 40-year old son, the "pharmacologist" who has apparantly talked dirt about me for years, even though I have never met or spoken to him. He has basically been stalking me, so I am going to see him on Thursday.

FOUND

My father is not wealthy. The nicest gift he ever bought me was a fancy watch for my law school graduation. I took the watch to Israel. When I returned, I could not find it! I freaked, unsuccessfully looking everywhere for a replacement. El Al Airlines destroyed my Ipod and stole fellow participants’ curling irons and scuba gear, so I berated them, to no avail. The other day, while rifling through my GGU messenger bag, I found it. Ahhhh, the relief… like eating an avocado.

AVOCADO

I am part of this leadership academy training majigee — a 6 day, 12 week program where you receive a hokey diploma and everything. I am totally addicted to this stuff. This is my 3rd — Ritz Carlton Legendary Service, CASE, and now Arete. I love simulations! I learned that whenever you are stressed you should eat an avocado. I should eat an avocado.

PS - the weather is now splendid and will stay this way.
PPS - my assistant Laura at work rocks and she makes my life infinitely easier. I have a huge event at work tomorrow. Wish me luck. I should be a wedding planner.

My week felt really good.

Audition
I am a marketable artist. A friend of mine, Beverly (a professional actress), heard me sing at my birthday soiree and suggested that I audition for a professional, paid musical: Shopping! The Musical by Morris Bobrow (a locally famous writer and producer). I got an initial audition by the grace of Buddha (because my send-in materials suck). The day of the audition, I selected a monologue at 11 am, with the audition at 7 pm. The monologue was from a free website, as opposed to a play (which is pretty much the trashiest thing you could do). I arrived to the audition and I heard this guy (my competition) through the door and he was just incredible, and I wanted to leave. But, Beverly was there, so I stayed. I sang my little heart out on "If I Loved You." And the accompanist royally screwed up "All I Need is the Girl," but I chugged along (which is the best thing that can happen to prove your worth as an entertainer). To make a long story short, the producer loved me. He told me "I might discover you." I got a callback the next day and got comp tix to the play, which probably runs through September. There are only 4 roles, all are principals, and if selected, I am to learn both parts. I will hear final word at the beginning of next week. Either way, it was a GREAT experience and I feel great.

Professional Development
The day after the initial audition for the musical, at work I was nominated (with a formal invitation and all) to participate in this selective management trainee program called ARETE. It’s supposed to be fabulous and is comprised of 6 full-day (9 am - 7 pm in Walnut Creek) seminars on topics like supervising employees, hiring staff, things like that. I am excited about it and to see who is in my cohort. I am a professional development nerd now that I like my field of work.
Speaking of work, part of it consists of taking people out to lunch. Usually I have 2 lunches or so a wek. Last week I had a LOT more. For example, one day I had two alumni lunches in a row. I had to order a salad at one and then a simple sandwich at the second. In fact, I was out for 5 days in a row and met with 12 alumni for lunch. I also met with a friend of a friend who is starting a nonprofit. In many of these meetings I had the opportunity to do what I love — to act like an expert and have people react to my suggestions and take notes. That just makes me happy.
I am also getting to the point at work where I feel really comfortable with my colleagues.

Matzoh and Macaroons
Passover is coming soon. The best thing about passover is matzoh. I love it, especially when it’s crispy and egg-based. Share the love. Get some matzoh. Break it in small pieces and spread some Smart Balance on it. Or better yet, melt some shredded cheddar on it.
I was talking last week with Ilia about Manichevitz and how they unfairly dominate the market on kosher food (because they use tropical oils, and trans fats, and get away with murder). Let’s file an antitrust suit. Otherwise, one of you entrepreneurial types should create a "Pepsi" to Manichevitz. Perhaps make a more organicky label (?). Today I was at the supermarket with Jason. I think I mentioned before that part of the culture of San Francisco is that people listen in and participate in your conversations. I was describing Jewish macaroons (which were on sale) to Jason and characterized them as "cheap" at $1.99 each. Then, this older Asian guy scolded me for my diction, yelling "cheap implies low quality", and that I should say "inexpensive," and that he planned to buy some later." I thought this was an odd exchange on a few levels. And, I wouldn’t think to criticize his characterization of say, bok choy, as cheap.

50-Somethings
I think I miss my mom. My best friends from my ACT classes have not been peers, but rather the older, classy, hot women in my class; women Delia would befriend. Yesterday I went to see an uber-talented classmate of mine (Maryann) perform at Rustico’s in Sausalito, with another classmate of mine (Donna - a former broadway star who is an old friend of John Travolta’s). Maryann sang the jazz standards with a brilliant jazz clarinet player in a thoroughly charming, candlelit, multi-tiered Italian restaurant, with red walls and brass fixtures. The food was fabulous — Donna and I shared a delicious salad, and mussels, and wine, and wild salmon. And, all the pasta is handmade. And, it is just great to get out of the city, and be where there aren’t hipsters and homeless people for a change; even if it’s just for a brief time. And, Maryann was an incredible singer and looked gorgeous (and asked me to sing duets with her on her new CD!). And, Donna was so engaging to talk to about life and love and career. We talked for 5 hours non-stop. It all felt so normal even though a couple at another table I think suspected there was a Mrs. Robinson thing going on. I even had worthy insight about relationships, i.e. whether/how people change over time. I credit my mom for providing me with the ease to relate to, and develop friendships, with people like Donna and Maryann.  I can’t wait until Delia comes back in town so that we can all go out.

Homebody
My weekends are sometimes more busy than my weeks. It actually gets hard (and expensive) to jaunt around town, and balance various evites, concerts, birthdays, clubs, restaurants. Don’t get me wrong, I love that I have the option, but I need to learn to say "no."  I am always running from place-to-place, perpetually sitting on a bus, late, or upset because someone else is late, pissing someone off because they don’t want to hang out with the person I’m with, sometimes having the same conversation over and over again (feeling like a jester), and I am just somewhat exhausted.
A couple months ago I criticized Joanna for saying she wanted to be more of a homebody. I had no idea what she meant. I thought, "who aspires to be lame?". Now, I totally get it. I am going through an itty-bitty phase where I just want to loaf around my apartment. Today, for example, I cooked all this chicken that was sitting in my freezer. I made chicken korma, and chicken parmesan and chicken nuggets. I cleaned my floors, and brilloed my stove. It was great!

City Mouse
I love San Francisco and city living. I love walking everywhere, and bodegas, and interacting with quirky people, and coffee, and bookstores, and public transportation, and cabs (and South Asian cab drivers who love Lahore Karahi).
Pursuant to this, I was on xoxohth and there was a discussion about places where we’d like to live, so I thought I would create a little ranking for your viewing pleasure. Post your’s if you’re interested. I’m only including North America cities I would consider, and places where I’ve been to for a significant time in the last 6 or so years. I am also taking into account my connections to the area, and distance from my family.
(1) San Francisco
(2) Portland, OR, Montreal
(3) New York City
(4) Los Angeles
(4) Chicago, Washington, D.C., San Diego
(5) Austin, Minneapolis, Boston, Vancouver
(6) Miami, Seattle, Atlanta

Transamerica/Asexuality
I saw a really interesting movie, Transamerica at the Lumiere; it’s about transgender stuff. I find the whole transgender movement intellectually interesting and inspiring. I was actually really shocked that the actor playing the protagonist (Felicity Huffman) is biologically a woman. I think she should definitely have received the Academy Award. Later on, I watched this 20/20 show about the asexuality movement, which I find interesting too.  I looked up the guy who started the formal movement on facebook. He went to Wesleyan — go figure. Anway, I think it’s interesting to lump asexuality into the whole sphere of LGBT - it’s like calling "invisible" a color. I also think it’s interesting because people seem to understand being gay so much more than being asexual. It’s kind of paradigm-shifting in that way. It’s funny because I like when people try to relate to other people, but I hate when people try to impose their own experience as the only valid kind of experience. Like for example, people are like, oh there’s no such thing as bisexuality because I only like one gender and have no desire for the other one. It’s like me saying, there’s no such thing as people who love ketchup because I hate it so much. Or, I guess it’s like me thinking Joanna was crazy because she wanted to be a homebody.

Tough love

Growing up, mom always told me "you can’t be tissue paper." She’s a total hypocrite, but her philosophy seemingly seeped in. I was never told boys don’t cry or anything of the sort. But, I just don’t find crying or whining very persuasive as a rhetorical device (though I do find it therapeutic).

Caveat: If somebody rarely cries or cries about something like death or disease, this doesn’t apply.

Taint

This weekend was incredible. My body is aching from the glorious hike up Twin Peaks, dancing at Delirium, singing at Martunis, a delicious brunch at the Universal, and a frisbee playing session in the Panhandle. However, the weekend was slightly tainted because I had two sour dynamics. Now, these aren’t fights. I am just not a Jerry Springer type. But, it’s crying and awkward silences and a lack of resolution that plague me.

Doncha Know?

Perhaps I developed a certain level of passive-aggressiveness when I lived in Minnesota, but I am not a confronter. Like, if somebody upsets me, I wait for them to come to me, and if somebody hasn’t paid enough on a joint bill, I will just bite the bullet and pay their portion. If people ask me what is wrong two times I will generally unleash my beef with a given situation. With that said, I am often confronted. And, my response when I feel the confrontation is unwarranted is that I am not going to adjust my life and actions for what I perceive as hypersensitivity. This is why I would be a terrible psychologist. More importantly, does this make me abusive? Given that I have a certain effect on people, perhaps in context it does.

Father Theresa

From my vantage point, I can’t get away with selfishness like other people can. I think this is a balance/skill that some of my healthiest friends have honed. I have I am not saying I am selfless or altruistic or Father Theresa — far from it — but I feel like I am held very accountable to others, and not of my own volition. I think in trying to fortify these boundaries and barriers I am impacting some relationships.

Exceptions

There are only a few exceptions: The only person who can "get" me in that respect is my mom, my dad, and my sister. When they cry, it’s gut wrenching. One of the things that I know I will regret when my mom is gone is all the times I’ve made her cry.

Back to the point, this all goes back to my perspective on victimization; how we all choose how we perceive our circumstances. And, this is all superceded by blood relationships.

Extended Family

Speaking of which, I have such an aloof relationship with my family aside from my mom, dad, sister, and first cousin Margie. For example, I had an odd conversation with my brother the other day. I hadn’t spoken with him in a few years, and I called him because my dad had slurred speech, leading me to believe he had a stroke. I tried to engage him, but he was very disinterested. In the past, he had made efforts to get to know me and probably feels rejected. But, I’m not willing to invest in repairing a relationship that barely existed in the first place.  I also rarely, if ever, get invited to family weddings. My family on one side is pretty provincial. They don’t travel, or even eat out for that matter. Most of them are too scared to come to San Francisco due to the compounded fear of airplanes and earthquakes.

Regarding above, my dad sounds much better.

Everything’s Flowers

Honestly, things are going pretty well. I keep meeting such great people. I got this unexpected e-mail this morning from a friend of a friend who was visiting:

"Andrew,

I just wanted to say thank you for making my weekend with you guys so much fun. It was so nice to hang out with such a comfortable, fun, intelligent group of people. XYZ really has found something special in all of you. I couldn’t have asked for a better 48 hours. Thanks again."

And, it’s TRUE.

POTPURRI:

Audition: I have an audition for a professional local musical tomorrow (Shopping: The Musical), though I haven’t selected a monologue yet — or memorized one for that matter. Whoops!

Reunion: I think I am going to miss reunion. I am so "the type" to attend a reunion, but I will be in MN a month later and it doesn’t make sense for me to go twice. I can just extend my stay and see who I need to see. Also, I realized that I do a fairly good job of keeping in touch with the important people in my class year, and those people in San Francisco. As a professional matter, it would have been nice to go, but big oh well.

Furries: The next of those funky parties that could only happen in San Francisco involves dressing as your favorite animal. Jill and Chris will love it.

Bay to Breakers: The weather was gorgeous this weekend. Out-of-towners (and I mean Petey or Katie M), you’ve GOT to come for this event soon!

North Face: I’ve been dying for a jackets from North Face, and Rakhee serendipitously gave me one and I am happy.

Glide: I need to see Transamerica and go to Glide.

Hearn: Jenny Hearn is visiting soon. Yippee!

So I have a complex because nobody posted a comment last time. This is how I gauge how interesting my posts are. Then, I realized that this is more for me than for you. My twin aims of blogging are (1) to express my garbled up thoughts in a linear fashion, and (2) to stay connected with people I care about.

Format-wise, I am going to stop talking about happenings and try to be more reflective because it’s probably the best for me and for you.

Johari – You on Me

So here are the results of the johari: Here are words that you picked to describe me that I anticipated: energetic, extroverted, friendly, knowledgeable, spontaneous. My most dominant trait was energetic.

Here are words that you picked to describe me that I didn’t anticipate: able, accepting, adaptable, brave, clever, confident, dependable, giving, happy, helpful, independent, ingenious, observant, powerful, reflective, self-assertive, silly, warm, and witty. None were shocking.

Then, I developed an obsessive complex when nobody described me as intelligent, but I got over it quickly.  The way I justified this in my head was that I can still be intelligent without it being a dominant trait, and that notions of intelligence are relative; relatively speaking I surround myself with extremely intelligent people.

There was only one attribute that I anticipated you would describe me as where you didn’t, and that was friendly. Then, that reminded me of a couple things.

Back in college, my roommate Shane told me that he wouldn’t use the word “nice” to describe me. This coincides with the idea that people on my Israel trip thought I was “haughty.” And to add fuel to this fire, last night we had a final open class for my vocal ensemble class and I actually felt “haughty.” It’s not that I think I am God’s gift or anything. I just have no patience for people who I feel are wasting my time, either with a lack of talent, with fluff, or worse yet, with ignorance. I suppose this makes me less tolerant, or nice. I am definitely selectively friendly.

Preacher

I need to stop proselytizing. I have a bad habit of it. You probably know this. Jill is really good at nipping it in the bud, but you should all call me on it. I need to let people live, and reserve my judgment/mentorship/energy for people who actually want it, or seek change, and are willing to work towards it.

I devote too much of myself to lost causes, or people who aren’t willing to take action on their own, and I am setting them up for disaster, and myself up for disappointment. I feel like I am the most nepotistic/least meritocratic person, and not in the sense that I want Macalester graduates to prosper in some discrete way. Rather, I want people who I associate with to do really well. Anyway, let me know point-blank/stop me if I am preaching to you and you don’t want or need my advice. If I were more entrepreneurial (or intelligent) I would commodify this trait and become a full-on life coach.

Seattle

Ok, let’s get practical. I went to Seattle for a vacation and job conference. Serendipitously, Cara and Josh, my hosts there, had great news for me when they picked me up: they are moving to San Francisco!

To toot my own horn, their excellent hosting style much parallels mine. They get so excited about showing me lots of different places, they appreciate food/restaurants (Snappy Dragon Chinese – yummers!), and they are just great. I spent 3 days with them and we went to Olympic National Park. I don’t think there was a moment of silence, and this is not because it would have been awkward to have had one. We had excellent crab dip in Port Angeles, and salmon jerky.

I never go to national parks of my own volition, but always love reconnecting with nature. We saw fluttering grey jays with a view of Victoria, BC in the distance, and went snow shoeing in Hurricane Ridge (Josh dramatically fell into a snow well). We also saw the Hoh rainforest. It reminded me of parts of Botswana.

Note: I am getting to the point where I taxonomize everything incessantly; to the extent that I annoy myself. Everywhere I go reminds me of somewhere else I hav been, or a cross between two places; apply same to people. It doesn’t allow me to appreciate anything fully for what it is.

I very much like, but I haven’t fallen in love with Seattle, but I am OK with that. I think I put too much pressure on myself to develop strong feelings about it, and then I thought, who the Hell cares? I can see how it’s an incredible place to live; it reminds me of a hybrid of good aspects of Minnesota and Salt Lake City.

Notably, I wish Petey had come.

Conference –> Moving

I stayed at a great hotel (Monaco, which had a leopard bath robe that I wanted to own) and attended an incredible conference for alumni directors. I learned all these great tips, which I have been passing along. Going to this conference also made me realize what a good fit my job is for me. Honestly, when I went to law conferences in my past life, I would doze off. Here, I am completely engaged; a total eager beaver.

I really connected to one guy who was leading the conference who is a 31-year old former attorney and running a huge office for a huge, prestigious university. He tried to recruit me to interview for an awesome high level dream position out East (that is FAR more lucrative). I considered it for about 4 hours, and got this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach about moving. It was awful, and strange because just two years ago this was a place/location I would have loved! I just don’t have it in me.

During those 4 hours of contemplation, I had a really interesting conversation with my dad about it. At first, he opined that I have created this whole life in California and would probably be miserable if I moved. Not sure if initially he was employing reverse psychology or playing Devil’s Advocate, but about halfway through he changed his tune and was went n a rampage about how California is not the real world, it’s full of con people, and all of my family is on the East Coast. This is really similar to the spiel he gave me when I first considered moving here. Anyway, he got really passionate about it, and it made me feel bad, because I was getting all these awful feelings about moving and I felt like a bad son. (Then I realized where I developed my tendency to preach.)

Regardless, I wish I was born and raised out West. It would be easier if my family was close by, but I am not moving. Sometimes I wish that I had never been exposed to San Francisco, because I am addicted to it, perhaps for life. To follow this up, I had a conversation with my mom about what she would do if Basil passed away, and she said that she would move here ½ time (she is retiring). This made me feel better.

Age

When I go to these conferences and function in the professional world (in contrast to my Israel trip), I meet people who are my own age and perceive them as ageless adults, and then realize that I am probably perceived this way. People my age sometimes look “old”, to the extent that it’s scary. The maintenance guy at my work (who is super-nice) guessed my age. I had always felt like I looked a lot younger than my age. But, I think the various stresses of law school aged me.

Gifts

So you may remember that I received an incredible gift of a scarf made by a member of my ex-favorite reality show. Now it’s that person’s birthday and I feel a tremendous pressure to buy a great gift for them. She is a vegetarian, but if she wasn’t I would buy teriyaki wild salmon jerky for her, because it is really that good.

Note: If you are interested in my reviews on everything. I am trying to channel my aforementioned judgementalness through yelp.

PS: I received a kitchen calculator from Ilia, which is officially the most random gift I have ever received.

PPS: I had a scary experience walking to work yesterday. There was a huge plume of black smoke emitting from near my work, which I could view in the horizon. I felt stupid to do so, but continued to walk towards it. I perceived the people around me felt the same way. Turns out there was a fire caused by the insulation on the BART, but for a while I suspected that there was another 9-11 on our hands.

All these interesting developments. Which to highlight?

I guess I’ll start with the fact that I’ve had a hard time answering the question, "how are things going?" lately. This is either because (1) the nuances in my life and thought processes in my head are more interesting than the big picture things (like I’m not working towards anything discrete), and/or (2) my life is consistently colorful and eventful, to the extent that I have become desensitized to what other’s would find important or relevant to their question.

Birthday

My birthday came and went. I stated my former age (26) every chance I could the week before I turned 27. Feels old, but not in a dramatic way. I also celebrated more than I ever had before — if felt like a birthday season. I got many cards and some stellar gifts, which included a beautiful scarf hand-sewn by a cast member of my favorite show, Starting Over (in Macalester colors). I also got lots of wine (including some from South Africa), Duncan Sheik tickets (which was the 2nd best I have been to; in the opening act they had a guy, Jim Boggia who sang a song about West Hartford), and a primo DVD player, which is making me contemplate reestablishing a Netflix account. Even Steve got me a gift - chilaquiles remo from Los Jarritos. My largest party was held at Mills College - at President Holmgren’s mansion - and 50 people came and it was catered, and just awesome. (The hardest part is thanking someone for something so generous. I shipped out some "Thank You" wild salmon from Alaska.) To add to these festivities, my sister took me to a killer restaurant, Cafe Kati, and Josh, Gabi, and Andrea prepared me a vegan feast (save for Andrea’s guava cheesecake). Josh and Gabi also wrote me a moving haiku, which I will share with you later. Relatedly, my mom wrote me a really touching letter, which made me feel bad after I railed she and my sister for not buying me presents, but giving me money. Then she reminded me of the hissy fit I threw when she bought me an electronic toothbrush. She can never win with me. It’s true. 

Lahore Birthday

Jill and I threw a surprise birthday party for our favorite Indian restauranteur, Guddu, complete with a card and party hats. It was a jolly good time. I bought him an incredible chocolate tower cake from Delessio’s and about 20 people came, including Adeel, who I hadn’t seen in a while (and who tried to get me to purchase a commercial loan.) Guddu was so moved. The whole restaurant participated in singing for him and eating the cake. It felt like such a community there. I can’t describe it anymore.

Compassionate capitalist

I love being a conscientious consumer. I was upset with the Sprint-Nextel merger, having transitioned from Sprint to Nextel because of customer service concerns (and the free incoming calls). I wanted a new phone because my battery was running low after two years of use. Sprint charges existing customers an upgrade fee, which made me livid. There was no way to complain but to pen a letter. So, I wrote a passionate one. Now I got a free phone of my choice. My new phone retails at $500, and has infrared technology and a camcorder with lighting. Go Andrew.

Shaleeta

My friend Shaleeta came to visit. We did all sorts of fun things, like we had a slumber party, and we went to Glide and she totally dug it. (There were actually taping the service for some NBC reality show that is coming out.) We were also approached by two very nice prostitutes in my area. Very cool and pleasant woman who has overcome just about every barrier in society to get to where she is. (She needs to get out of York, PA!) But, she is the farrest thing from being a victim. She is another law graduate who doesn’t want to do the law thang.  We saw an excellent movie together at the Lumiere, Boys of Baraka, about inner-city youth in Baltimore. (Also, everybody reading this should watch the documentary "Rize" about the clown movement in South LA. Just shut-up and trust me. I think I might see "Transamerica" tonight.)

Victimization

I am sick of victimization and think that’s one of the biggest problems plaguing the privileged. Every person thinks they have it the worst, or at the very least, that they deserve better. But, it’s all a matter of perspective. I have news: there is no formula for actually measuring your happiness against other people’s. (1) We have no way of knowing how other people are reacting to their circumstances (even if they are reacting well externally), and (2) We have no idea what other people’s circumstances really are because people lie. So, in the end, we just have to make the best of the circumstances we’ve been doled out, and try to cater our circumstances to what is most conducive to developing that perspective. Critical thinking and options allow us to hyperanalyze our circumstances. Let’s relish those things rather than make them culprits for misery.

Anita

Controversially, I have been hanging out with Anita from yesteryear and it has been just plain good. It’s pretty incredible how long it’s been. She seems so centered, healthy, it’s just a breath of fresh air to let go of your past. (I think this is the root of cancer.) I was so nervous to see her that my heart was pounding in anticipation. And, it wasn’t anticlimactic, but rather powerful in how comfortable we were, because we were able to be honest and open with each other without going overboard. I think her moving to LA is the best thing for us. Weirdly, the day after I first saw her (on my birthday), I was walking down the street and I heard my name being uttered in the 3rd person by a familiar voice. She was behind me, 3 feet away from me talking about our meeting the day before. Total synchronicity.

Economics

I went out with Anita and Vijay, Jeff and Jason to Zeitgeist and Martunis. We had a strangely highly charged political and philosophical discussion about funding for education and the arts, the nature of economics, sweatshop labor. I mean it escalated. There was finger pointing and such. After Jeff yelled extremely loudly, civility ensued. I am glad to have participated in it, though I found it frustrating.  Jeff slept on the couch after a 2 hour long enlightening conversation. Poignantly, he asked me how many healthy friendships I had. Honestly, since I’ve been here, I think the vast majority of my relationships have been healthier than anything I’ve had in the past.

Singing

At Martunis, I performed "If I Loved You" from Carousel. I need a new song. I have mastered this song and it’s just too easy. I think I am going to continue private vocal coaching just to develop a new signature song. I think I am going to take a break from ACT classes, because I can. I want to crave singing again (and my current class is a little too big for my tastes). In the Fall, I want to get some headshots, and try out for some local musicals. Jill invited me to sing and she and Chris’s wedding. I am psyched! (Their wedding sounds hella cool). I also think I want to try out for the next American Idol and sing Queen’s "We are the Champions". I can kick ass on it.

20/20

I was a little under the weather so I went out for Morroccan with Teresa (where the mint tea flows freely, and you get doused in rose water if you’re bad). Stayed home and watched 20/20. Learned all this stuff I have to share with you, like: carbs should have 2 grams of fiber for every 100 calories, brown bread is no better for you, brown rice IS better than white rice, brown sugar and turbinado are no better for you than refined white sugar, coffee experts don’t know anything about coffee (Starbucks is, however, the most highly rated coffee), there is no such thing as a sugar high; it is all psychological, and figure  skating is incredibly dangerous because ice skating technology is so outdated. Tara Lipinsky, former gold medalist, had a hip replacement like an 80-year old, and is never skating again. Boycott figure skating in Vancouver (or protest for better skate technology)!

Fun stuff:

Here is this really interesting exercise that will help me know more about how my perceptions of myself relate to your perceptions of me.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Andrew+Kaufteil

I learned about a guy, Jim Kramer who hosts a show on CNBS called "Mad Money." If you have cable, watch it. I might join the gym just so I can. I now have a diversified stock portfolio, which includes Trader Joes, ING, Motorola, Toyota, and General Electric. I am also obsessed with looking up home values on zillow.com, which integrates the best of Google Earth and county property appraiser’s websites.

The last site I will entice you with is the Implicit Association Tests, which I read about in Blink. It is apparently the best way to gauge your biases against every oppressed group out there. Apparantly, I am no bias for or against gay people, and despite my Israel trip, I have a slight bias toward Jews over non-Jews. Do it.

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/measureyourattitudes.html

Parking Lot:

- I keep on bumping into people. I feel like I am at college. A very big college. Like on Friday, I was just telling Teresa how I bump into people and I bumped into 3 people within 3 minutes.

- I am headed to Seattle this weekend. Cara and Josh and hiking in Olympia! Yippee.

- Josh is staying with me for a week while he is in transition. He is getting a piece published by the NY Times. Good follow-up to the Utne Reader. He is also involved in Lila. In sum, he is badass.

- I am planning lots of road trips in the near future: Tahoe, Portland, Disneyland. I need a Dole Whip. Also, other trips planned include Texas and Minnesota between now and July. I am ready for MN.

- On the way home from the aforesaid Duncan concert, the Yemenese cabbie asked me so many questions about grammar, that my head was spinning. We were parked for 10 minutes in front of my house while I was trying to explain to him the difference between "assess" and "recess." I have so many cab stories.

- Andrea won tickets to see the Putnam County Spelling Bee, which are seeing this week. Because of this, Steve has challenged me to a spelling bee. Apparently, we both won our respective high school spelling bees. This was my shining accomplishment during my freshman year of high school.

- I enjoy the Starbucks cinnamon dolce latte a lot. Too much in fact.

- I went to another one of those paddling parties, which I enjoy, but not too much, in fact. (met a law school friend’s roommate from college).

- Introduced a cool alum of the school where I work to my old firm. Hijinks ensued which verified my feelings about said firm. I have had two dreams about it since.

- Eve, Marina, and Rakhee are the best roommate trio.

- If you haven’t visited, you should. We’re getting old.

Ketchup and Palestinians

As you all know, I hate ketchup.

A friend posed the question, "if you could choose to co-exist with ketchup or for it not to exist, which would you choose?" I would clearly choose for it not to exist. He then asked, “how is that different than how Jews feel about Palestinians (and vice-versa) in the Mideast?” Initially, this stumped me. After marinating, I think it’s different when the thing you hate has a soul. I like that we all exist, even people I hate. People I hate grant me passion and conviction. People are also more layered and malleable than ketchup, well perhaps not literally…

Pluralism
Then, I started thinking a lot about why I choose to live in this country (and why I also love SA). I often think – why am I not in our "neighbor to the North". I think it’s the forced pluralism that keeps me here; that I can walk to the BART and can’t help but be confronted with dozens of cultures within a 10 block radius. And, I can get great hummus for lunch, and a legit satay for dinner. Admittedly, that’s not everybody’s experience. And, relevantly I think I’d rather live in an all-white suburb of Maastricht than an all-white suburb in Connecticut. Though, it is here where I contradict myself where I defend Zionism at any level. But, what I defend about Zionism is it’s uniqueness in its geographical context.

My Perfect World
Then, I started thinking about why I liked the patchwork, and it’s because Israeli culture shares many of the same values with regard to gender and sexuality equality, and social welfare especially when compared to its neighbors. This conflicts with my intellectual instinct to be a cultural relativist. But, the cool part is that they are not imposing their policies on anyone else; that they embody what I believe in their social policy (not military policy). And, while I respect cultures that disagree with me from an anthropological perspective, I readily admit that I have some specific visions of what my ideal society looks like, and for the first time I am OK with that. And it would have no ketchup.

Vegetarian Questions

And, lately I have been musing about vegetarianism. Today at lunch I learned about the Paleo diet where people eat only unprocessed foods like the cave people did. And she said eating meat is natural because we’re attracted to meat and we always have been; the same way that dogs are attracted to eat meat, and not soap. But, then she doesn’t eat veal – or dog – and I have a hard time squaring that.

Then, I was thinking is it OK for a vegetarian to bite their nails? I asked a vegetarian that and she said she spits her nails out. But, then I was thinking I could be a vegetarian (with an eating disorder) if I took a bite of chicken and spit it out.     And, then I was thinking what about kosher people that bite their nails and then eat milk products, or what about babies.

Impressions

I ran a very successful event on Saturday drawing about 180 participants. It kept me working about 100 hours the week I returned, but it was my best yet and I’m wicked proud of it. Sure a lot of the lawyers kvetched about the temperatures in the classrooms, and the fact that we don’t do it in Oaktown, but that was to be expected. The most interesting part was the people’s perceptions of me prior to the event, and the fact that people felt comfortable enough to clarify their expectations of what I would look like. Like someone said “you are much trimmer and handsomer than your picture”. Another said, “I assumed you would be 42, fat, with a white goatee.” I always thought I sounded kind of young actually. I was talking to a college president about it and she agreed that it’s kind of weird that people who you don’t know spend their time forming an impression about you AND feel comfortable sharing it with you.

Bumped

While I was looking for hotels for an event last week, I bumped into Alex, my friend Anita’s (from law school) brother, whom I hadn’t seen in almost 2 years. I was thinking about him earlier that day. Ironically, he was working the desk at the Harbor Court Hotel, where Anita and I stayed at when we decided to move to CA. He was so friendly, and seemed to have grown up a lot — really responsible, working hard for the money, going to school full-time. It was a really nice. It’s so weird that he’s been right around the corner all this time. Made SF feel like my town again.

Connecticut

Went to a UConn Happy Hour for graduates of the University as a whole at the Connecticut Yankee in Portrero Hill. It was pretty pedestrian. We met this 30-year old corporate guy who has been here for 5 months and has virtually no friends. He was very eager beaver about hanging out with us and asked what we were up to after the Happy Hour. I felt bad for him, but after he drove a contingent of us to another bar and had nothing really to add to the conversation, we didn’t exchange contact info. The “goodbye” was sort of awkward, but better than being a hypocrite, eh? There are too many options. The problem is what if I were that guy? That would feel pretty bad.

Thought experiment

So the other night I left my bag at Martunis, so I had to truck out to Upper Market to pick it up and decided on a whim to have an Une Liaison Pornographique-inspired dinner party. I told people not to RSVP and just to show up to Home for their 5-6 Prix Fixe. Two people showed up, and it was very enjoyable.

SUNDAY, bloody, Sunday

Sunday was a wicked fun day.

Somebody gave me an aloe plant as a Hannukah present.

I had brunch with a friend and potential future colleague.

I visited and lost in gin rummy to an 86 year old man with Alzheimers (Sue me, I have a penchant for the old and infirmed).

I went hiking in the redwoods, attended a dinner party at a palatial co-op type place where I played mafia and watched Grey’s Anatomy, and

I pumped and passengered a car run on vegetable oil (and alluded to in the Utne Reader).

Voice class

My voice class is much bigger than usual and there are lots of strong guys. I have some great songs that I am featured in mostly from Bells Are Ringing, a show I had never before heard of. My big show is on March 9 at ACT. Bay Areans should mark that in their calendars.

Random Medley

(1) Another friend had this interesting observation that people don’t actually like things like wine, olives, and pickles, but eat them because they’re cool to eat. Got me thinking about acquired tastes. I *think* I actually enjoy wine. Do I?

(2) The same night we also talked about memory pills, and whether we would consume one to erase a discrete bad memory from our mental hard drives. Is there a memory so bad that you would erase it, even if the strength and perspective you gained from it would be removed too?

(3) Increasingly, it’s hard to introduce males to females (and vice-versa) without them thinking you have an ulterior motive. Note: I don’t. I sometimes think men and women can be friends.

(4) Been hanging out in the East Bay more often. There’s a different kind of off-beat quirk over there. It’s a little less pretentious, a little more Buddy Holly.

(5) Apparently all these people from the trip are gossiping about my last blog, and unsurprisingly spreading misinformation. I was even "told off" by someone who didn’t read it. Interesting. For me, that trip was constructively 10 years ago. Onward and upward.

(6) I am headed to Seattle in early March for a Conference. Then, Tahoe a little later in the month. Then, I plan to have a Springtime convergence at Delia’s place in Tex.  April 7-10. Let me know if you’re interested. Chuy’s Hula Hut is definitely on the agenda. I keep on reading Forbes articles about how I made a good investment decision.

(7) Last night I went to a party at Neiman Marcus, the place that originally inspired my move to San Francisco. At the party, my friend’s mom asked me if I was in the military. I love random questions. Anyway, everybody looked like they could be a contestant on the Bachelor. Tonight I have a Yelp elite event at International Orange in the Fillmore where we get free wine, waxing and massaging. Pretty clutch.                                                                       

(8) My friend classified my fashion style as "John Lennon-esque." Although this comment seems random, I accept it as a compliment.

Hello. This is going to be a painfully long post, so glance if you will. My trip was challenging - not in the intuitive spiritual way. Rather, the hard part of the trip was negotiating my sanity. There I was, stuck in this intensely important place with layers of complexity, history and beauty, with a critical mass of distractingly uninspiring alcoholics. It made the trip almost ironic. Alas, I still learned a lot about Andrew, Israel, and Judaism. But, just differently than expected.

The Airport

El Al has the most intense security protocol in the industry. We had to arrive 4 hours before our flight. Before you board a plane to Israel you are subjected to a harsh dialectic, some of which is in Hebrew (which is hard for someone who doesn’t speak Hebrew). Here are some of the questions I was asked:

(1) “Did you bring a notebook?” “No” “I ask this because someone once concealed a bomb as a notebook.” Thanks for the idea, buddy.

(2) “When, where, and why did you purchase your shoes?”

After all this, I was detained in a little room because I admitted to having an unused digital camera. I thought everybody had been put in the room, but that wasn’t the case. I met some people who I thought I would be friends with, who I barely spoke to again, i.e. “airport friends”. I also met some people who seemed duddy, which was surely an omen.

By the gate, I was asked nonchalantly about the weapons I had on me. Jeez. (I said the Lord’s name in vain a lot, or maybe I just noticed it more).

Meanwhile, during the search, they turned on my Ipod which died early in the trip, and is now in recovery.

The Flights

The 18-hour flight to Israel was interesting. I sat dead center, between two very religious people: a pre-school Hebrew teacher and a religious Mexican Jew (who had changed his ways after his birthright trip). I was scared of brainwash at this point. (Atheist friends, have no fear.) My neighbors prayed on both sides of me every time there was turbulence and explained various customs and prayers in the Torah. They ordered special food, like bread with fruit juice in it so they didn’t have to wash their hands. I learned about parev and tefillin. I read the rest of Blink, and took an Ambien to get some sleep between lessons. I narrowly averted affixing an ugly black box to my head by distracting the Mexican Jew with a discussion about the kosher-ness of turkey bacon. I also enjoyed watching the orthodox men fret when faced with sitting next to (and leaving for the mere possibility of *gasp* touching) a woman who is not their wife. The planes were very old — they still had ashtrays, and the different phases of refurbishment left for very inconsistent accomodations. Hands-down the worst thing about El Al is that they leave the dirty trays in front of you for an hour. And, they show really bad movies.

The People

Let me preface this by saying that I don’t know how I feel about democracy anymore. I don’t think most Americans are qualified to elect our leadership. There is no screening process to participate on birthright. If you meet the criteria, it’s first come, first served. This open admissions process was reflected in the group. We spent about 90% of our time with a group of 40 people. By the time I deplaned, and boarded the bus I knew these mostly weren’t "my people" - and I don’t mean that in the religious sense. I immediately felt like I was on a fraternity rush. I have never before been surrounded by the full range of IQ’s.

Let me provide you with some example of these people:

- On our trip was a man who takes pornographic pictures, and a woman who was an MTV reality show for her addiction to plastic surgery (remarkably, she looks just like Tori Spelling).

- When we first landed in Israel someone remarked "it’s so weird to be on the other side of the continent".

- When we visited the Massada, there was a stone wall with a horizontal line dividing it into two parts - top and bottom - to distinguish the original wall from the replica. Someone asked, "which part was the original?"

- People were observing the holiest sites on earth affixed to their cell phones.

-Some people couldn’t get through security when we arrived in Israel because of their hair devices.

- Someone said she would never vote for Hilary Clinton, to which I responded “why?” She said, “because she is a bad politician,” to which I responded “why?” She looked at me like I was crazy and walked away.

- People had never heard of the word "Messiah"

As it turned out, I met about 10 people who are super cool (including a guy who’s car runs on bio-diesel, i.e. vegetable oil), and most of whom live in the Bay Area.

What I found most compelling about the good people is that they didn’t have the same visceral reactions to the others and their ignorance as I did. I never thought I was *so* intolerant before, or that my life experiences (or level of awareness) were so unreflective of that of the average educated American.

Another interesting thing is that a lot of these people reminded me of other people. One guy was a spitting image of Jesse Hagopian, another reminded me of Megan Newell, and another was a cross between Tom Stone and Melanie Brookes. Weird combo, eh?

Affirmative Action - I will say that after seeing the decent pedigrees that many of these people have, my views on affirmative action are bolstered because (1) these people need to be confronted and challenged, and (2) our supposed “meritocracy” is not a good measurement of productivity or intelligence. This trip made the issue of privilege more prominent to me than teaching SAT classes for Kaplan.

The trip organizers sucked.

- Our freedom on the trip was absurdly restricted. We had to remain in so-called “boundaries” everywhere we went. I had to sneak in the Arab quarter (which is way cooler than the Jewish quarter). They lied to us that we couldn’t go to places like Jericho or Bethlehem due to alleged security concerns. They would only let us get in the ocean up to our knees (there was no undertoe). On the second day, my roommates and I were scolded by people our own age because we slept through 10 minutes of dinner.

- We had this rabbi who was the most sarcastic person I had ever met. He was disliked by the entire group. He is married to a woman named "Cricket" because she was born premature and had wide-set eyes and a crinkled head. He gravitated toward me one night at dinner and described that he felt like Steve Martin in “The Lonely Guy”. I don’t think I was very consoling. He tried to justify how he doesn’t allow the people in front of him on a plane to recline their seat. What a schmuck.

- The other “leader” was this girl who was younger than me who seemed to have no personality until some people on the trip started giving her attention. Then, she just bashed the sucky rabbi, and played “would you rather” so she could curry favor with the losers.

LA v. SF

There is this really prominent cultural disconnect between Northern and Southern Californians. Many Lala-landers had a drinking problem; they couldn’t function without a drink in their hand and went out every chance they could get. It was strange because they are from LA – a place with particularly good bars – as opposed to say Tel Aviv, which has more the nightscene Philadelphia at best. I would think they would have taken 2 weeks off to explore West Hollywood, or maybe Cannes, rather than trek to bars in the Holy Land. This bar they spent New Years at was exactly like the Spigot, a bar I often avoided in Hartford. I had heard about the LA mentality, but I thought I would be OK because I grew up in South Florida. Let me tell you, it’s really different.

In South Florida, being Latino doesn’t make you poor or stupid. It’s the mainstream culture. It’s Wayne Huizenga, and JLo, and Gloria Estefan. You go to a hospital and the doctors are Latino. Cubans have big mansions. It’s empowering. In LA, Mexicans get a bad rap and are perceived as lazy, poor, etc. I believe this widespread perception of a primary population taints Southern Californians’ perceptions of minorities in general.

Throughout the trip I heard dumb, racist (“n” and “A-rab”) and homophobic (“f”) remarks. Here are some examples:

- A classy older woman from the Jewish Federation of LA boarded the bus and earnestly asked what were the biggest problems in California, to which people remarked "Mexicans". Then, when we were tomato picking, whilst flinging and hitting tomatoes with makeshift bats people said that this was a job for Mexicans. One of my favorite people on the trip was a Mexican Jew (with a penchant for the game: “would you rather.”)

- I was having a drink with some folks and their many DUI convictions became the primary topic of conversation. One person had forgotten that she talked about it the day before because she was so drunk.

Perhaps the people on the trip felt they were in a safe space? Or brought back to their days on the bus to Hebrew School?  Either way, I used to think people at UConn Law were bland, avaricious, and a tad ignorant. However, even the worst of them was exponentially better –- and I mean that in the objective sense –- than fully one half of this trip. Go Huskies!

Interesting Parts

- It’s really cool to be in a country that is not governed by Christian norms. Hanukkah is not at all glitzy like it is in the United States. Apparantly, Jews in America only do that to compete with Christmas. Sunday is a full-on work day. New Years (called "sylvester") is no biggie. Everything stops on Shabbat. It’s like a siesta on steroids. I prefer to be active on my weekends, and I never before felt that so acutely. Your level of Judaism determines your access to technology. For example, there are Shabbat elevators that stop on every floor (on auto-pilot) next to fully functioning elevators.

- I wasn’t the least Jewish person on the trip. Between my trip to Israel as a kid, Camp Pocono Highlands, bar mitzvahs, and choir, my knowledge of songs, etc was respectable.

- I got lost in Netanya after being frustrated with the aforesaid ignorance. I passed right by our hotel and I was a little scared. The only thing that kept me sane was the Dominos pizza that I kept on passing. It was like a lighthouse. I never felt so close to Dominos.

- The Thai and Chinese food in Israel leaves much to be desired. They have an interesting snack food that is like a Cheetoh with peanut butter. If I never see hummus, falafel, and schwarma again, that is fine with me. The rugulah was super-duper. And, the bagels I had were respectable (though no traditional cream cheese). I missed bacon and shrimp dearly. Lack of access made the desire stronger. I love bottom feeders. Mmmmm. There was no NY Jewish food at all, i.e. egg creams, corned beef, latkes. What confused me I had a (very intelligent) friend who refused to eat Middle Eastern food when she visited me in SF, because she felt that it was anti-Jewish. Weird.

-  We went to this “mega-event” (where Sharon was supposed to speak), and it was so interesting to see 3000+ Jews from all over the world. What I didn’t like was the rampant nationalism when the announcer named all the countries represented. I cringe when I hear that hyper-masculine chant, “U-S-A <<pause>> U-S-A”. Ick.

- Practically everybody on the trip got sick. One girl got connected to an IV. We made about 3 pharmacy stops every day. The Israelis that were with us think Americans are the biggest wusses and that we are too reliant on medicine. Airborne became the new currency. By the end of the trip some people were wearing hospital masks. I had a 24-hour bug that I slept off.

-  75% of Israeli Jews are secular. Judiasm is far more a culture than a religion. Though, interestingly, there was one dude on the trip who was a convert who knew far more than most. What confused me about him was how he still wanted to Jewish after surrounding himself with these low-lifes. I had a bunch of interesting conversations about conversion actually.

-  We went to this cemetery in Kinneret on the Galilee and we had this guide who really inspired the Israeli soldiers with stories of Israel’s foremothers and fathers. They cried and carried on. It was interesting to me because when I hear about Patrick Henry and Abraham Lincoln I couldn’t even make myself cry. Their sense of nationalism is really insane. Perhaps because they served? Perhaps because they are always on the edge? Perhaps because of their education? Not sure.

-  Being in a Zionist country is interesting as an American Jew who mainly interacts with wealthy Jews. The firefighters, busboys, streetsweepers – everybody – are all Jewish.

-  Seeing the security fence in the West Bank was fascinating. Firstly, the unincorporated Palestinian settlements are really nice. I had always prior argued that if we gave Palestinian people resources and infrastructure that they would have something to lose. As it turns out, they have plenty to lose. It looks like suburbs on the other side, with highly dense, pristine communities, and gorgeous mosques.

- Terrorism - It’s so funny how we define it. Everybody seems to argue this natural law argument using “homicide bombers” as the buzzword, and continually argues that Israel won this land fair and square. However, what is fair combat? And, who gets to decide when to stop fighting; when there’s repose? Who’s repose?

- Propaganda – birthright is total propaganda. The way they described the UN partition plan as a joke and Palestinians as “foreigners” is nausea-inducing. The trip is about mating and donations. I kept on thinking that I am not sure it’s a wise use of resources to send overprivileged people abroad to drink and screw. Concededly, it’s easy for me to say this now that I have taken advantage of it.

- One of the more interesting situations was going to the Western Wall on Shabbat the night Ariel Sharon had the stroke. We had to wear yamakas (mine was the free one made out of paper, which was strangely reminiscent of the old Burger King hats, that refused to stay on my Jewfro). The place was packed with Hasidic men bobbing their bodies to and fro. I wasn’t sure how to interact with these people, especially when they were the majority. They didn’t seem smiley. On the side of the wall was what I call a “rabbinical sauna” where the particularly intense prayers take place (alongside lockers and what look like dungeons). By the time I exited the wall, I had a particularly somber look on my face and one of the Hasidics mentioned to me that I should smile; otherwise, I looked like a terrorist.

- Hasidics are pretty despised for being lazy – they don’t join the military or pay taxes. They used to throw rocks at cars to protest technology. They beg at the wailing wall.

- Some South African students stayed at our hotel in Jerusalem. I had a talk with them thinking we could connect. But, it’s amazing how little I identify with most white South Africans. When I told them I had taken the transkaroo and lived in Langa they thought I was a freak of nature. They said “Koza.” Where are my Xhosas at?

-  It was very interesting to be surrounded by guns almost all of the time (not to mention land mines scattered about in the Golan Heights). It’s not like seeing someone with a gun in Compton. There are 18-year old kids with yamakas walking around with M-16’s and it becomes utterly normal. They even seem friendlier. So much of it seems symbolic to me. It was incredibly easy to get into high-density tourist areas.

-  We had our own “medic” – this guy Oded who looks a lot like Beavis. He was 22, a pacifist, and carried a rifle that was taped in the middle. Though he was charged with our health and protection, with the gun, and a variety of anonymous colorful pills, he confided that if he saw a terrorist he would run the other way.

-  I kissed a very aggressive (and ambitious) former officer in the Israeli army. At breakfast, I found out that she hooked up with a friend of mine. She played us off each other the rest of the next day. Update: She just called me as I was writing this to tell me that she’s “in love with me,” which is apparently an Israeli way of saying "you’re cool."

- Haifa is reminiscent of San Francisco.- They sort of brainwashed me with this bad Hebrew music they played. It has penetrated my brain (and perhaps my soul).

- I had a fantastic final night in Jerusalem (on Ben Yehuda Street). I danced in a square in Jerusalem with a bunch of hard-core rabbis who believe the messiah is almost here.

-  I kept on using the word “occupational psychosis” throughout the trip.

Returned:

- I drove up from LA with some awesome people. I left my cell phone in their car. I felt lost for 2 days without it.

- There was a foiled bomb 3 blocks from my house. It must have been a low-news day. The reports kept on saying the bomb could have caused injury. Disabled midgets can cause injury too.

- My sleep patterns are f-ed up, given the 10-hour time change. I got up early the other day to watch Good Morning America and they had a story about how dust mites and dangerous bacteria live in your pillows. I now have impervious pillow covers and mattress pads. I feel like I’m sleeping in a nursing home. Who cares? I love my apartment!

- I love my Chiropractor. She cracked me wicked good today.

- I start my ACT classes today!

Overall, my experience wasn’t nearly as bad as the above description made it sound. Sure, the first few days I thought the trip was underwritten by the Palestinians. But, in all seriousness, it was actually good. On balance, the experience was very trying, but also made me think a whole lot. The people who were cool were really cool, and I even miss them.

Israel is a fascinating, multifaceted country, with tremendous history and politics and everybody should experience it. Mostly, what Jews have in common is not that the wailing wall affects us, or that we are smart or rich. Actually, I’m still trying to figure out what it means. It definitely means something. I overheard a soldier pointing out that Jewish people always stockpile plastic bags from the supermarket. I do this. Do you do this?

I have a ton to write about. I feel like I can only be superficial about a lot of serious stuff, but I guess it’s better than nothing.

Israel
So I’m about to leave for Israel and I’ve vowed to leave the electronic
age behind for a bit, so this is my last rant for a while. I think I’m
so nonchalant about Israel because I not excited about the flight,
there are so many law students on my trip, and I have already been to
Israel (even though it was in pre-puberty). There’s something about
going somewhere entirely new that’s very invigorating. I used to think
travelling was worthwhile because it helps you identify with people.
But, another thing that makes Israel less exciting to me is that most
people I know have been there. Call me a hypocrite b/c I’ve been known to criticise others for making travel decisions based on the "wow" factor. Anyway, I know I’m going to have a blast because my expectations are so low. And, I know I’m an ingrate b/c this trip is free!

Mail Order Brides
Most of you probably don’t know much if anything about my dad. You should because I’ve started thinking about him a lot lately. This is partly because one of my most vivid memories of him is from our trip to Israel when I was a wee lad of 5. This memory is so prominent because it marks the beginning of the sabbatical in our relationship. He wasn’t in my life from about age 7 to age 17 - which was both of our faults. I have stories for many blogs, which range from a kidnapping, to inflatable boats. But, I’ll spare you (for now). Ted is 79. He’s scrappy. He likes women of color. He designed the cardboard display cases for Leggs panty hose. He pinches waitressess asses. He was once shot because he refused to give up his gold jewelry to armed robbers. He’s always (well, usually) the Plaintiff. He isn’t much for fidelity.  I’ve been thinking about him because when I talk to him on the phone I hear him letting go… little by little. He’s in this awful place in life — which he’s pretty much created for himself — a prisoner of his bad decisions and lack of follow-through. He’s told me that he pretty much lives to stay alive. Anyway, the one thing he hasn’t given up on is entrepreneurship. Yesterday we spoke and he told me his newest business idea: to start a mail order bride catalog. This is stuff I used to talk about in my Birmingham classes and look at with absurdity. But, I now only know, but am cut from the same cloth as a person who wants to sell women from developing countries. I don’t hate him for it. He’ll never get it off the ground. But, that’s not the point.

Meet the Parent
My mom and Basil just came to visit. It was quite a successful visit. The weather sucked big-time, but we made due. We ate basically every type of Asian food you could imagine, from Thai to Vietnamese, to Korean. The week was characterized by lots of parties. I was the emcee at the staff holiday party, which they came to (where my mother made quite the problematic assumption). The next day, my mother cooked for 50 of my closest friends at a party we hosted at my old apartment. I called the party "Meet the Parent" and the response rate was higher than anticipated. It got a little stressful at the end and I thought I was going to cancel it. Steve told me that the members of the house were all complaining about the number of people and that my mom wouldn’t be able to cook the food and how they should all be able to bring all their friends. This was stressful to me because I hadn’t anticipated that the turnout would be so high, and it involved my mother, and my old apartment. I hate knowing that people are talking about me. Even if I know they do, it just makes me feel creeped out. I’d rather not know.

Sidebar: Andrea and I had this conversation about the traits people show after you get to know them, and she thinks mine is that I am much more private than you would think I am. It makes me uncomfortable that so many of my friends have hooked up with one another — and I am not talking paddling parties.

Anyway, I didn’t cancel and it went really well, and they were gracious hosts, and it was just lots of fun, and included lots of rice and salsa dancing. My mom said that unlike Jessica’s friends, my friends were "sincere" and "didn’t talk for the sake of talking". I like that. I rarely get to see most of my friends in one room together. And that felt nice. It’s the company you hope to keep in Heaven.

Sidebar: One problem with my hosting parties is that I feel like I am at work.

Anyway, my mom redecorated my apartment and now Joanna’s looks pretty good! She’s going to come back without Basil, which will be nice. That’s the interesting part about relationships. That partners become affixed, which changes the nature of every affiliated relationship.

Oh, and my mom and Basil didn’t mind the prostitutes (including the transvestite ones) in my neighborhood. (They are in Austin right now checking out our houses and investments in South Padre).

Sublet
I subletted my apartment again. It’s a pretty addictive thing to do; the easiest way to make money ever. I think I am furthering an illicit affair. The subleasee told me he was going to buy me new sheets after his German female visitor leaves (his wife is in Scottsdale).

Movies
I saw three movies recently: Rent (again for the 5th time), Jesus is Magic, and Brokeback Mountain. Jesus was pretty funny. Some of the stuff was super edgy, but it was a strange movie to see with your parents. Brokeback Mountain was pretty good, mainly because we bought popcorn and Scharffenberger semi-sweet chocolate. I bumped into an old colleague at the firm I worked out. It makes me feel so awkward to see the lawyers there and brings back all these feelings of misery and failure. It plagues me. Anyway, the movie went a little slow, and was a tad melodramatic (and the aging wasn’t convincing). But, it was a movie that promotes reflection — like Fight Club. It’s a lot more than gay cowboy flick, but rather it seems to be about men’s repressed feelings, and marriage. And, in retrospect it was good. I think it conveys a lot more about men than a movie like Sideways.

Interesting Survey

4. Alumni Director at a Law School

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
1. Flirting With Disaster
2. Rent
3. Bring it On
4. Une Liaison Pornografique
(and Bamboozled and the Secretary)

FOUR CITIES YOU’VE LIVED IN:

1. St. Paul, MN
2. Plantation, FL
3. Hartford, CT
4. Berkeley, CA

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
1. Trading Spouses
2. Golden Girls
3. Family Ties
4. Elimidate

FOUR PLACES YOU’VE BEEN ON VACATION:

1. Iceland
2. Greece
3. Botswana
4. Jamaica

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:
1. calbar.ca.gov (the irony)
2. gmail.com
3.
friendster.com
4. drudgereport.com

FOUR OF YOUR ALL-TIME FAVOURITE RESTAURANTS:
1. Lahore Karahi
2. Chino Latino
3. Spicy Green Bean Deli
4. Pollo Tropical

FOUR OF YOUR FAVOURITE FOODS:
1. Saag Gosht
2. Tom Kha Ga soup
3. Saganaki
4. Dole Whips

FOUR PLACES I’D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. On a massage table
2. The Himalayas
3. The Blue Lagoon
4. In the spiritual vortex in New Mexico


Parking Lot:
– I attended a paddling party a couple weeks ago. It was very interesting. Check out the website: www.loveplaysf.com
– I need to go to Glide more often. It makes me feel good!
– Recently I’ve developed the urge for an SUV
– I now have a digital camera
– I know how to reupholster a chair seat
– I haven’t yet purchased holiday gifts. Somehow it just didn’t happen.
– I keep on bumping into people; I wish SF were the size of NY
– I really want to buy a house in New Mexico or Oregon
– I drank a lot of kombucha this week

Weekend was really good so I have to write about it.

Tapas

1) We celebrated Dana’s birthday at Picaro, a tapas place. I bumped into a Macite there, and the CEO’s of google were there. Dana works for google so we went with a group of nice googlers. The tapas menu lacked depth and I was charged with ordering. I seriously think I could be a wedding planner, though I do not want to be.

80’s dancing

2) Afterwards we went to a cool 80’s club called Delerium. When we walked in the bartender sneered to a patron saying "what are these yuppies doing here?" I was at first offended. But, then, I was told that I am a yuppie. So, I guess it’s ok. We had so much fun dancing and carrying on. I am so inspired by the 80’s. This place had such a fun demographic mix of scenesters, and every race, creed, sexuality, and age was represented, including lots of short people. Loved it. (That’s one thing about living in the city - people are much more segmented in general than in a small progressive town like say, Amherst where there are many less social options.)

Domestic Warlock

3) I had a very domestic weekend. I went to three different Ross’s and am intimately aware of their homegoods offerings. I enjoy buying homegoods almost too much.

Geriatric Catfight

4) On Sunday, we went to see Into the Woods in Palo Alto. I bought Joanna tickets for her birthday. This was a professional equity play and to be honest, I think I could compete with any of the male voices. It made me feel good. The acting was great. At the end of the second act, these two 80-something white-haired lasses started cat-fighting. I was the only one under 65 there, so it was of course my responsibility to stop it. The woman next to me asked that I did. So, I went over and scolded them twice. This sort of thing makes me realize that we are all the same in terms of our instincts (Jerry Springer guests and accountants), just some of us have more to lose than others. When you’re old, you have less restraint and less to lose. Anyway, I didn’t feel quite valiant. It reminded me eerily of the catfight between the women on the bus about a year ago. Question: why me? This stuff doesn’t happen to my friends.

Nightmares

5) It has been mighty cold in my apartment, so I have been sleeping with a blanket over my head, which I suspect is leading me to have nightmares. Last night, I feel like I had a film festival of every genre of nightmare, from spirits, to robbers, to disease, to job problems…all in succession. It was annoying. I had a really important meeting this morning at 9 am, and woke up and thought I pressed snooze, but really pressed hour, so I work up at 8, but it said 9, and I freaked. Not the most restful night. Maybe it’s because I watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang which was really good but disturbingish.

Conference

6) Today I attended a conference for advancement professionals: CASE. The experience totally juxtaposed all the substantive law conferences I had attended in the past (CAOC, NAELA, etc.) I actually enjoyed it instead of fighting to stay awake. I engaged in group discussions and overall had a rip-roaring time. I realized today that I really like to hear myself speak when I feel like I am being articulate, which is not all the time. I told a bunch of alumni directors about beta blockers, which was funny. (by the way, the generations have been redefined in the development world: people born in 1961-1981 are Gen X and are characterized by reactiveness, people born after 1981 are Millenials/Gen Y and are characterized by civic engagement. Pretty interesting, no?) Walking back from the party I realized how much I love the buzz of the holidays in SF, the cold air, the lights, the clanging bells of Ferry Plaza. It felt really right.

Morocco

7) I desperately want to try this new hole-in-the-wall Moroccan restaurant in my ‘hood called "Tajine"

Party boy

I have lots of holiday parties coming up, which makes me feel busy - yelp elite, lila, a house party or two, and a x-mas tree decorating party at Mills.

Peace out. Sorry if uninteresting.